Cold Season

Things have been crazy....even more so than usual!  This is such a busy time of year and then to combine it with colds and cough.

Running is very hard when you can't breath!

Mike has been so helpful in getting me to run but I seriously have lost my energy and desire.  I still have a 5k planned for October 23rd, so I can't slip up now.

My diet is going.  I am finding it really easy and no stress and weight is still coming off but a bit slower.

At this point all I really want is to sleep through the night.....

Georgia is a year old today and well....sleep should be happening soon...yawn....

Treadmill

We finally replaced our broken treadmill. I love and hate it. I love that it makes it so much easier for me to go for a run. I can run when the girls are playing or when Mike is out and they are in bed. I am finding the lack of a destination really hard and for some reason I find it a harder work out. I think it may have something to do with not being able to vary your speed, which is a good thing it will just take some time to get used to it. My next organized run is in 5 weeks. I have made a training plan and I hope to beat my first time. I am going to try my best to run 4 days a week and do strength truing on the off days. I also took my measurements tonight. I want results! I hope to see some good results in 5 weeks when I take the measurements again. I am excited by my motivation....if that makes sense. I can't wait to see my results. In 5 weeks I am going to be faster, more toned and weigh less. Wish me luck....I am the queen of plans but lack the follow through.

Diet...or something like that

I started a diet about a month ago.  I have been really reluctant to write about it because....well...I have had a hard time with dieting and I wanted to make sure it was working and worth it before I went public.

I have been doing the diets for 3 week and I have lost  6lbs!  I am really impressed with out it is going.

It is like the easiest diet and seems to be going well with nursing too.  It is a variation on a low carb diet.  It is the 'Slow- Carb' diet by Timothy Ferriss.  It is really easy, no restrictions on amount and how many meals etc.  You eat beans and lentils as a carb to add fibre.  And the best part that makes the diet so easy is you get a free day.  I am amazed at how easy it is to not eat bread and past and just wait until what ever day, is my free day.

This diet is fitting in  nicely with my fitness goals too.  I am working on my running speed and endurance, and now adding in some strength training.

Wish me luck!

First 5k run

This past Saturday I did my first 5 k run.  This was an organized run, it was a fundraising event to raise money for Ethopians to have clean water.

I found that after Australia that my motivation was waning and I needed something to keep me running.  I usually run anywhere from 3-4 kms during my 30min runs.  So this was a stretch but not a huge stretch.

On the Monday before I got up early and did a full 5k with a big hill, just to make sure I could do it.  Then I just took it easy.  I was planning on doing another run but the weather wasn't the greatest and I thought my run was on a Sunday.  Turns out that it was Saturday and that threw my schedule off.


I find that I have a huge mental block with running and the mental piece is now my biggest struggle.  I am so used to not being a runner and believing that I can't that it takes a lot of mental preparation for me.  I was terrified of the run.  I can't name my fear exactly but I was afraid.

Saturday morning came and it was a perfect day for a run.  The location of the run was along the Bow River in Calgary and it is quite pretty.  I was really nervous and tried to focus and get in the game...which is difficult when you are also packing up 3 kids.

Mike and the girls cheered me on and I ran.  I had a hard time getting my pace because there were a lot of walkers....and amazingly slower runners!  The route was quite narrow at times and I would get stuck behind someone and have a hard time passing.

It still doesn't feel real that I ran in a real race!  My time is now my benchmark and I can't wait to beat it during the next run.

Fair Weather Runner

I have discovered that I am a fair weather runner.  I have absolutely no motivation to go for a run when it is raining and cold.  This I have realized is a bit of a problem since it is now Sunday and I have not ran in a week.  I am also out of routine and I am not craving in like I was before my trip.

I am hoping to remedy that today.  I am going to go and buy a treadmill.  I looked on kijiji and found that there are tons of cheap used treadmills!  Now I just hope someone emails me back today.

The rain and children, specifically Georgia have kept me from running.  Jet lag has been really hard on her, last night she woke up at 2am and wanted to play.  Not cool!

Tonight I will be going for a run, no matter what and I am going to run and I am going to run 5k....and see how long it takes me.  I have been running for 30 min and I do about 4 km give or take.  I want to do 5k because next Sunday I have signed up for a timed run.  I want to start doing timed runs to start getting a time to improve on and I like the race atmosphere.

Back on the Wagon

I have been home a week now and the jet lag is almost done.  Jet lag hit Georgia and I hard!  I was doing so well the first two days and then bam!  The exhaustion hit me like a truck on the third.

Somehow I managed to get 3 runs in this week and I have started a new diet.

I am motivated again and it feels good!

Today I started my first long run.  My Sunday runs are going to be my 'long' runs and I am going to build my runs up every week by adding 5 mins on.  I am also working on my speed per mile.  I have gps on my phone that tracks my route and pace.

The run tonight was wonderful because I got to run with my running partner and we got to catch up since we haven't seen eachother in a month.  My time was the best yet!  My goal is to get to a 12 minute mile and tonights run was 12:44 per mile!!

I Am A Runner!!!

I have been so busy that I haven't had time to blog. I miss blogging so much....hopefully things will calm down in the fall.

I finished the Couch to 5K program about the middle of July. I can now run 30 mins straight. I am still battling with the mental aspect of running because I am still amazed that I can run, let alone run 30 minutes.

But today I realized that I can now publicly say that I am a runner and I like it!!!

I am on holidays in Australia and I have gone running twice now and the days I don't run, my legs are itching to go.

I am now starting to research different running programs and I am thinking about what the next step is. I know I want to go faster and maybe add on to the length of the run.

But for now running 3-4 times a week is wonderful.

I Am A Runner!!!

I have been so busy that I haven't had time to blog. I miss blogging so much....hopefully things will calm down in the fall.

I finished the Couch to 5K program about the middle of July. I can now run 30 mins straight. I am still battling with the mental aspect of running because I am still amazed that I can run, let alone run 30 minutes.

But today I realized that I can now publicly say that I am a runner and I like it!!!

I am on holidays in Australia and I have gone running twice now and the days I don't run, my legs are itching to go.

I am now starting to research different running programs and I am thinking about what the next step is. I know I want to go faster and maybe add on to the length of the run.

But for now running 3-4 times a week is wonderful.

20 Minutes!!

Yesterday I ran successfully 20 minutes straight! 

It actually wasn't too bad either!  After the first 5 minutes it was really a mental thing.  I had to be like the Little Engine That Could and keep telling myself I could do it.  I knew I had ran 8 minutes before with no problems and this time I wasn't even pushing 40+ lbs in a stroller.

After 10 minutes, I knew I could do it and I got into the music.  I felt great afterwards too!

This next week will be fairly doable but...the week after I am terrified about.  It isn't just the running but the kids.  I also lose my running buddy too.  Mike is going to help me and I am hoping to do the runs in the mornings before Mike leaves for work.

By the end of this week I will be running 25 minutes straight....wow!

Guilty

There seems to be a fine line in my head where exercising is taking care of myself and therefore a good thing to do or selfish and therefore neglectful of my children.

On a positive note I have started week 5 of the running program and it is going well.  There has been a few hiccups but I ran for 5 minutes, 3 times today and....drum roll...it wasn't that hard!  This week is where the program really ramps up and on Friday I run 20 minutes straight.  Eeeek!

I am really enjoying running and I really couldn't do it with out my running buddy.  It really helps having that person who you have made a commitment to.

I am enjoying the runs but I am having a hard time balancing everything else.  I feel like I am sacrificing Georgia's sleep routine and my household duties.  The program is basically 30 minutes or so of running 3 times a week.  That really isn't much but since I try and do it during preschool, and I loathe taking kids in and out of the vehicle too many times.  The runs turn into a 2.5 hour outing. 

I am only feeling guilty about Georgia's sleep schedule because part of me really wishes she would go to sleep at 7pm (or so) and sleep until 11pm (of course I would love for more but....I am a wise mother of 3 and none of my kids have slept through the night before a year.)  I love my evenings to myself because I can get chores down and get around to my hobbies like knitting and blogging.  I guess, you could say it is a selfish reason too...  But I am also a firm believer that good sleep is just as important as proper nutrition.

For those of you that know me in real life, you know that I can be guilty about anything so at this point I am going to just deal with the guilt and continue running....maybe learning to fall asleep anywhere will be beneficial to Georgia.

Running and more exercise

I just started week 3 of the running plan and it is going really well!  I am impressed with the runnning and how do-able it has been.  The challenge is still getting out the door but planning to do it during preschool has helped a ton because it is just one less kid to pay attention to while I am running.

Mike and I have also started to exercise in the evenings.  I am really getting on this exercise train.  I love the feeling after I am done a work out and I feel that even if i don't lose weight, I am doing something good for my body.

Weight loss...ugh...it isn't happening very well.  The weekends kill me but every choice that is better is one more step to being healthy...skinny...in better shape?  

Sorry I just struggled with what word I wanted to describe my ultimate goal.  As I was typing I realized that I am healthy and skinny ...just didn't feel right.

I want to fit in my clothes well and like what I see when I look in the mirror.  I don't want to say 'happy' because I hate that word but I want to be content.  I think most of all I want my kids to be active and not struggle with weight.  I am on my way.

Week 1, run 2

Today the challenge was getting out of the house early enough.  My friend and I were going to do our run during preschool.  We dropped the kids off and then ran.

It was much harder today but that is a good thing.  I like to feel it when I exercise...well just a bit.  We didn't warm up because we had already walked to school, so the run went really fast.  I was glad for the end to come but I am feeling good about the progression.

Tomorrow is my weigh in day, it would be nice if I lost this week.

I did it!!

I did it! I did it! I did!

Woohoo!  I am so happy!

I woke up this morning and told Mike that I was going to do my first run when he got home.  Unfortunately things conspired against us and he wasn't going to be home in time for me to follow through with that plan.  I was very reluctant to take all 3 kids with me and I didn't know how I would do it.

Ally has a run bike and she is doing very well on it but isn't good enough that I could concentrate on running.

Thankfully, I had a moment of brilliance and I remembered that one of the moms from preschool was talking about doing more exercise and she lives right by the high school.  I called her up and asked if she wanted to join me.  She was excited to join me.  She has a 4 and 2 year old too.  The running track at the high school is perfect because there is only one entrance and the kids were able to run after us or play in the middle.  The 2 year olds had some difficulties with their moms running away from them.  But all in all, it went really well.

My friend wants to be my jogging buddy too and since her son is in preschool we are going to try and run during preschool twice a week.

I am so proud of myself because sometimes starting is the hardest part, especially when you add in the challenge of 3 kids.

A-Ha Moment

This past week Mike was away having the ultimate guys weekend - drinking, golf, hockey and baseball.  I am glad that he got a chance to go away on a trip.  I handle the home front and things went amazing!  I had a great time with the kids and work.  Don't tell Mike but it is weeks like this that I think a fourth just might be possible.  I am just so glad that things are finally getting easier with the kids.

So back to my a-ha moment.

Mike went to the strippers.  In the past this is an outing that doesn't bother me, I see it as a fun guys night.  But this time it really, really bugged me.  I spent the next day ranting and yelling at him in my head.  I then asked myself, why am I bothered now?  What is so different about this time?

And here it comes.  Me - I am what is different now.  I have written about my loss of self-esteem and my dislike of my post baby body.  But it really sunk in for me how low it had gotten.  I was so angry at Mike because I was afraid of what he was thinking while at the strippers and how it reflected on me.  I was afraid that I wasn't good enough for him.

This thought stream really shook me up because I was never like that.  I was confident in myself. 

I realized that things need to change big time.  I don't like to myself this way.

For the past couple of weeks I have been doing Weight Watchers but the last two weeks, I haven't really done it and I have barely counted.  I am going to re-committ and count everything.

I have been inspired by my bestie Laurie and sister-in-law Billie who have both started to run.  I have decided to do the 'Couch to 5k' running plan.

Wish me luck.  I know I have written similar posts in the past.  Keep me in your thoughts and help me find the 30 minutes to exercise 3 times a week.  This is going to be hard but I think since the weather is nicer, it will be a bit easier.  My plan is to walk Ally to school and then go on my run afterwards.

My theme song

On days that are full of tantrums, crying, fighting, laundry, not enough sleep....or just a no good very bad day.

I like to put this song on as loud as I can.



Ally once asked me why I like the music so loud and I told her because it feels like a hug.

Music is an important aspect of my life.  A song can make my day better, bring back memories and even answer a question that I am struggling with.  I can only listen to music on random, I really hate listening to an album in order.  I also have a hard time listening to music on low volume, I need to be surrounded by it.

Tired

Today I am tired and I am drowning in laundry and dishes.

I feel like I haven't slept in years...hmmm...that is almost accurate.

I want to crawl under a million blankets and hide.

Sleep and the lack of it has always effected me greatly.  My mood swings are extreme and my patience is next to none.  I become negative almost depressed and everywhere I turn I see my failures.

I am learning to cope when I have bad days but it is hard.  I do know that tomorrow or the next day I will be back to myself and everything will be rosy again.  But today I just want to cry and run away.

There is so much going on right now that I can't run away.  I can't even declare it a tv day and lay on the couch with the girls. 

Last week some major things happened.  I am not totally sure how I feel about the changes yet.  Our business is expanding and things are happening fast.  We took over a failing franchise area and scrambled to get a delivery person, papers delivered and in touch with all the advertisers.  The work was exhilerating and I enjoyed it.  But my house and children suffered.

The TV was on too much and I was on my computer too much.  I am struggling with finding a balance.  I will be putting Ally and Zoe in the dayhome 2 days a week and I am trying to not be on my computer the other days.  I am hiring someone to clean my house so that I can concentrate on  my kids.

I think things will go well.  But my girls are having a hard time leaving me and it breaks my heart to have to run out the door while the sitter or preschool teacher holds them from running after me.

This brings me back to today...where I am exhausted from spending the weekend away in a hotel room with 3 kids and from getting up every 2 hours.  I don't want to parent or clean today. 

But that isn't fair to my kids.  I will make it through the day, I just hope there is not too many tears or yelling.

Lockdown Mode

Last Monday I declared my family under 'lockdown'. 

"Huh?" you say. 

Well basically we have been too busy.  Poor Georgia had no sleep routine and both of us were suffering.

 I also find leaving the house with 3 kids to be stressful.  I am punctual and I live by my old band director's motto, "If your on time your late!"  and going anywhere with children who have no sense of time or hurry is a big to do.  Leaving the house had gotten to the point where the stress of leaving completely out weighed the fun out going out. 

I have been getting better at not getting so stressed and frustrated and having an attached garage is helpful but the weather has been no help either.

The past week has been glorious!  Georgia is back to having two naps a day and going to bed has been getting easier each night.  I am getting the house clean and having a great time with Ally and Zoe.

Unfortunately Georgia is only sleeping in 2-3 hour stretches at night but staying at home helps with my exhaustion levels.

Now if only I could remember how great it is to be less schedule...this week is turning into a bit of a roller coaster...ahhhh...such is life.

Early Morning Cuddles

I sometimes get cranky that I never get to sleep in but today was worth it. I got to cuddle with Zoe, which is rare because she never stops moving.

Due to our current sleep arrangement (Mike and Ally in the guest room) I get a whole king size bed to myself and Georgia.  This morning I wanted a couple extra minutes in my cozy bed so I set up Georgia's playmat and dozed listening to her play.

I think cuddling with Zoe made my day. 

Or at least it certainly made getting up early worth it.

Weight Watchers

Back in 2005, I lost a bunch of weight in anticipation of my wedding on weight watchers.  I did really well and I love the program.  I have started a couple times in the past few years but never got into because something would pop up with my milk supply or I couldn't go to meetings etc.

Well over a week ago I signed up for the online version and I am incredibly impressed!  The online system is great and it has a great app too.  It makes counting points so easy.  I did have a bit of a learning curve because WW has re-vamped its program since I was on it last.

But I am thrilled to say that I have lost!  Yes, 0.8 lbs - that may not seem like much but to me it is excellent and it is the perfect amount for me.

The great thing about WW is that it allows nursing moms on the program and actually has an extra set of points for them.  This makes me feel better about doing the diet and not worrying about my supply. 

Shopping

This weekend I  was visiting with a Mom who is pregnant with her second child.  She was in awe that I  took all three kids to the grocery store.  Going to the store used to terrify me too, I remember times where it was difficult with one, then two and three.   Talking about shopping made me realize that I have adjusted to three kids.  Despite some days that are extremely hard and tear filled things are getting better.

Bar Star

Many years ago but it feels like yesterday, I was a bar star. 

Dancing and drinking with a bunch of friends was my preferred way to spend the weekend.  My girlfriends and I would spend a couple hours pre-drinking and getting ready.  I miss having hours to devote to making myself look amazing.

Tonight Mike and I are going to see Nelly.  Ww both love  Nelly because he was  popular when we were (seperately) travelling in Europe.

It was fun and stressful getting ready wirh the girls.  Ally and Zoe both love when I  put make up on and we have fun with it. I missed having an objective and knowledgeable opinion today.  Ally thinks I look beautiful just by putting makeup on; which is wonderful  but not helpful when you are wondering if you look like a clown.

Postpartum Craziness

I have been doing some reading on hormonal fluctuations in the postpartum period.  There isn't much information (at least from my brief looking around) but what fascinates me is that even if you don't have your cycle back there are major fluctuations.  You may be saying, "Dah!"  But I didn't know.  I was honestly surprised and then I realized that is definitely explains many of the goings on around here.  And add to the mix sleep deprivation.

I honestly will have days where I hate my kids, husband, and myself.  I am in tears and I feel like I can not handle anything and I just want to lay in bed. 

Then the next day I will be perfectly fine and feeling great.  I am productive and able to play with my kids and manage the business.

So weird...

My poor husband.

Today is a great day, thankfully!

Crying it Out - does it really work in the long run?

As some may know we have had ongoing sleep battles with my almost 4 year old (eeekkk!  4!)  For quite some time.  The really bad fights started almost a year ago when she moved out of her crib to her bed.

Yes, our daughter slept in her crib until she was 3 and I highly recommend it....(even though as you read on you will find out that I have no idea what I am doing.)

She slept well for about a month and then the craziness hit and it really hasn't stopped.  There has been much crying and fighting.  Mike and I have done everything.  We have put up gates, child locks, bought cd players, rubbed lavender on her feet, laid with her, sang, read, spanked, ignored, not spoken, yelled, continuously put her back in her room like Super Nanny...and on...and on....

I feel like I have read every single book on sleep or at least the popular ones.  They all say the same thing eventually consistency, schedules, sleep logs and crying.

As I get ready to sleep train Georgia, I am really beginning to wonder if all this sleep training is just some buzz word that Dr. Ferber came up with.  Is sleeping through the night actually achievable for any child? 

I have never been too concerned about the number of wake ups my babies have until they are about one.  Then my exhaustion sets and and well...truthfully I end up pregnant too.  Maybe my expectations are too high?

I do think a regular schedule is very important and we do our best to promote good healthy sleep.  I am a firm believer that sleep is crucial to growth and development.  I love sleep, personally.

As I type, Mike has just taken Ally after her second wake up of the night (and it is only 11pm) to bed.  Yep, we are sleeping with our child.   For the past two weeks Mike has taken Ally downstairs at his bed time and they sleep for the rest of the night.  At first it was because the fight had started to happen through out the night too and we decided that sleeping was more important then the where.

Now I sit here perplexed because we had a tough night with Zoe (yes it could be the blasted time change too) and it seems that getting Georgia to sleep is also a fight.  I just feel like we are doing something wrong.  I admit that I have a very hard time letting my children cry it out but I have found that it works...or at least in the beginning.

Basically I sleep with my babies until they are about 6-7 months.  The rule I had was that you could sleep with me as long as you sleep.  Around 6 months each girl starts to be distracted by and want to nurse all of the time and not un-latch until morning.  I  can't do that for long before it drives me nuts and fighting to get my nipple away from an insistent baby is hard when you sleep together.  So we do cry it out and move then to their own bed and room.  Things seem to go really well.  Until they are older...

Yawn.... 

Why is it so hard?  Why is there so many tears and heart ache?  Why is sleep something you have to teach?

Lists, Schedules and Routines

I am fascinated by organized people.  I want to be someone who is organized and maybe someone who has a clean house.  Since cleaning out my closet last week and re-organizing a few cupboards.  I have started reading more and more organizing blogs.

The pictures are so beautiful and neat.  I love all the neat baskets and clean spaces.  I have always enjoyed clutter and feel that it is also a part of who I am.  But now I am wondering if that is really true?  Could I be one of those people who has a spot for everything? 

As I am typing and thinking about what I want my house and life to be like.  The clutter doesn't really bother me but it what is bothersome is that it doesn't just stop at too many nicknacks.  I can handle nicknacks, but what bugs me and eventually overwhelms me is the amount of stuff that just becomes a huge mess. 

Mess is what overwhems me and weighs me down.  It also exhausts me and I get to the point where having people over is stressful and I don't invite people over.  I love having people over and it is a shame that I let a messy house take that away.

I am going to try and follow the steps on I'm an Organizing Junkie each week and from reading Shannon's blog and a few others....I am going to attempt to set up a House book.  With routines and schedules and lists...Oh My!  Now I must admit I am excellent at making all that stuff up and I love it.  The hard part is sticking to it. 

Closet

I didn't get to my closet on Friday but I did reorganize some of my kitchen cupboards and hutch.  I had been storing all our craft supplies in my lazy susan.  I liked that cupboard because for the longest time the girls couldn't open it, well now they can and we have so much stuff that it is a huge mess.  I moved some of my entertaining dishes around in my hutch and found that there was lots of room for the crafts supplies and I could lock it up too. 

Today I did my closet.  My closet wasn't really bad as far as being organized but it was over run with clothes that either didn't fit or I didn't like.  I now have three garbage bags full of clothes to give to the Thrift store.  The next goal on my organizing check list is to actually take the clothes there this month!

Organizing

My friend Shannon introduced me to this blog I'm an Organizing junkie.  It has only been a few days but so far I am enjoying it.  I have been doing a lot more organizing lately because of Tupperware and I have really fallen in love with it.  Let me explain...I really have no sense of organization, it has to simple and easy for me to do it and get it right.  I once organized my mother's cupboards, and I labled the shelves.  I thought I was doing a great job until my Mom came and looked and laughed at me.  I had labled 3 of the shelves other.  She still tells that story. 

So I have re-organized a few of my kitchen cupboards and I have fallen in love with nice clean cupboards. 

They went from this:

To This:

Since becoming a stay at home mom, I have found that a messy house really weighs on me and it affects my mood.  I hate having a messy house but I still hate having to clean it.  But I do find the organizing I do to help with the cleaning.

I actually organized the girls toys and put pictures of everything so that they could put the stuff away.  They still like to just dump the containers but one day....

So the reason I started this post was because I have been bitten by the organizing bug and I am going to follow along as much as I can with Shannon and I'm an organizing junkie.  It will be interesting to see how I can minimize clutter or at least make it look pretty.

My hope is that I will become a great organizer so that I will have a cleaner house or at least one that takes less time to clean.  Seriously, I won't invite people over if my house is messy and I get stressed before people come to the point of wanting to cancel.  But on the other hand I often need that motivation and enjoy the house afterwards.

For today - my closet!  I wonder if Mike will let me do his...



Guest Post

I wrote another post for Get Fit Chicks.  Check it out here  http://www.getfitchicks.com/index.php/2011/02/guest-post-letting-yourself-go/

Counting

On Monday I decided to start counting my calories again.  I did Weight Watchers before my wedding so I am familiar with counting.  I like the flexibility and it helps that 'there's an app for that'....lame...I know!  I found that the goals that I set at the beginning of the month has become unrealistic.  My desire for sweets and the instant boost would derail my good intentions and then I would allow it to throw my whole day.  Counting calories allows me to have candy or chocolate as long as I write it down.  And by writing it down and knowing my calorie limit it motivates me to only have one.

I have done well all this week by counting calories and so far, I think the scale may be down on Monday.  I am also focusing on high protein meals and one trick I discovered was to put protein powder in my coffee.  You can barely taste it...once you cover it with splenda and creamer it is delicious!

Wish me luck to count over the weekend...I have a hard time on the weekends.

Sorry

I apologize for my last depressing post.  I ended up having a wonderful birthday thanks to my sister and my bestie.

Hehe...bestie...that word makes me giggle.

This weekend I went and stayed at my sisters house.  Her husband was nice enough to sleep on a deflating air mattress so that Georgia, Danielle and I could stay up all night talking.  Well...I actually hoped Georgia would sleep...oh well.

Then I went out with my friends for dinner, I indulged in some delicious drinks and cheesecake.  It was a great night!

Twenty - Eight

Yesterday was my birthday.  I turned 28....this is a weird age for me because back when I was 16 or younger and planning my life, 28 is when it all started.  I planned that I would be in school for about 10 years; I was going to get my phd in psychology.  Then get married, then children were to follow.  Strange how things change.

For the most part I love how things have turned out.  It is weird how completely different my plan was from the choices I made to get here. 

Honestly, this year and I think the last couple of years, my birthday has really depressed me.  I don't know why, I used to love my birthday.  I would count down from the beginning of December, I would celebrate my birth moment (2:10pm).  I am sure I was quite annoying. 

I am in a funk right now and I don't know why.  I am still processing things.

Officially a WAHM

After today, I think I can offically say I am a work at home mom.  Yes, it is true I am finally earning my keep around here.  I can only wait until it starts effecting my shoe budget. 

Last week I set up a one day a week arrangement with a day home right down the street.  The sitter for a lack of a better word is wonderful!  She is easy going and the girls seem to really enjoy themselves.  They barely looked up from playing when I arrived to pick them up.  I got some much work done in 5 1/2 hours with a bit of a break here and there to tend to Georgia. 

This week I was really thrown into the ring, I laid off my first staff, called several clients regarding past due invoices and discussed ad design ideas with a new client.  Big, scary stuff but I did it.  I really, really hate confrontation and having the laying off discussion was extremely nerve-wracking but once I got started it went really well.  I also hate calling strangers on the phone, I will do everything I possibly can to get out of it.  But went it is your family depending on the business, there is no end to the motivation to do the hard stuff. 

I am really excited about taking a very active role in our business and I think the direction it is headed in with our new staff postion is going to lead to great success!

This week with the day home and preschool back in session really helped bring back a semblance of routine to our lives.  Ally has started sleeping terribly again and that is so exhausting.  Last night she was up every hour after midnight.  She couldn't sleep and Mike and I were exhausted.  We yelled, took toys away, gave toys back, gave some milk then some water, we did everything in between.  By the time 4am came we were pleading for her to just play in her room and let us sleep.  She couldn't, she needed the interaction or something.  At 4:30am Mike and I couldn't sleep and I actually started thinking that we should just get up and start working.  Then Ally started hollering again and Mike went and laid with her. So we got 3 hrs of sleep.  Now guess how many times Georgia was up?  Once!  Yes she actually slept 6 hours straight.  I would rather be up nursing a baby every hour then dealing with a screaming, sleep deprived preschooler any day.

Now, you may ask, how is all this affecting your healthy eating?  Well.....*blush* I am not doing well.  Stress and vegetables don't seem to mix.  I am doing ok but there is tons of room for improvement.  I am thankful to my friends who are helping me through facebook and email.  I will get there soon and maybe do another marathon!

TGIF

Yeah for Friday!  This has been a hard week.  I have been incredibly busy and it has been a challenge to get back to our regular routine.  And now the girls are sick.  But in 8 hours I will be saved!  My mother-in-law is coming.  Seriously, no sarcasm I love my mother-in-law, she is simply wonderful and an amazing Grandma.  I am so excited that she is coming because I will get a break and the girls will get a ton of attention.

This week has gone by so fast and judging by the laundry pile that has not moved from the chair all week, I feel like I have accomplished nothing.  I have...I think....

Next week will be better, I have arranged a day home for Ally and Zoe to go to one day a week so that I can concentrate on running Coffee News, Tupperware and if there is anytime left my house.  The day home is right around the corner so we can walk there when it gets warm.  Part of me doesn't like that I won't be taking care of them but it is also not fair for me to sit in the office every day doing stuff here and there.  It will be best to consolidate my work time to one day so that I can concentrate on the kids.

I really hope that some normalcy and routine will help things around here because I am really struggling.  I am just managing every day.  It is like I am constantly running on empty and each day I get 1/4 filled up and it is gone by noon.  I hate feeling this way because anything puts me on edge or over.  Georgia not going to sleep the way I want will almost make me cry.  Or Ally or Zoe misbehaving will make me snap and lose my temper much sooner than I used to.  I also feel like I have this mountain of a 'To-do' list and each day I go up half way and only to slide back down.

So due to the way I am feeling my eating has not been anywhere close to where I want it.  I barely have been able to eat breakfast and I find if I eat breakfast then the rest of my day goes much better eating wise.  No sugar has not happened here AT ALL.  I have used the remaining sweets in my house as a reward for getting through the day or until nap time.  It is sad but I know it will change.  My health is important but my focus is on my kids right now.  And each day I do better and I am eating far less sugar than I was at Christmas.

My friend Shannon (check her blog out - it is a great read.) and I have teamed up to help support each other in our diets.  We are checking in with each other twice a week.  This week my goal is to eat breakfast and to continue with water.  I am taking it easy on myself because each small step toward being healthy is one step closer.

What are you goals this week?

Happy New Year!

I am excited for the New Year.  This past year has been wonderful and I know the next will be great.  Many challenges are head for one I get to learn how to manage a business and staff while raising 3 children.  Mike has gotten a great consulting gig so I am taking over most of the day to day running of Coffee News.  I did a lot before Christmas but I am going to get some childcare help 1 day a week so I can take on more.  I am nervous but I know I can do it.

I think it is also time to start focusing on eating healthy and hopefully weightloss.  I also want to figure out how to exercise more this year.  I am not going to make any resolutions because this journey is not a one year task.  I am however going to start this month with a few short term goals.

The first goal is going to start today, after all the baking and excess of the holidays I have decided to cut out my drug of choice - sugar.  I am not going to eat anything that is obviously sugar laden for a week and do my best to look at labels.  This will be extremely hard so I am only making it a week and if it goes well then I will expand on it.

The next goal is to only eat home cooked meals this month except for one.  My birthday is this month and I am not sure if I am doing anything or not, but I will allow one meal out and only for my birthday.

I am going to get back to eating well and drinking water.  My challenge is to get back to drinking 3 L a day.  How much water do you drink?  Could you be drinking more?