Thursday, July 15, 2010

Own Worst Enemy

Seriously, I really am my worst enemy.  Like I don't have enough to worry about that I need to worry about becoming anorexic or something.  Good grief!  I am hungry and when given the chance for some chips or a cinnamon bun, I haven't said no.  I guess I got worried because I was enjoying the sense of control that counting my calories has given me but also hating the fact the scale has to go up.  When I wrote the post I was 210 but I knew that I would probably have to report 211 to my midwife.  I hated that the number went up and it was stressing me out.  I have come to terms with it and I realized that if I keep going at this rate there is a good chance I will weigh 10 lbs less at the end of this pregnancy.  Which is amazing.

I have also been beating myself up for the frustration and lack of control that I have with Ally's sleep problems.  This has been probably the hardest two weeks of my parenting career.  Now I may have said this before and will probably say it again but damn it has been hard.  She has fought sleep for hours and then is still waking up in the middle of the night.  I am exhausted and I have help at night!  I feel guilty that I can't figure out what the problem is and I feel guilty that I lose my temper.  I always feel guilty and the last couple weeks have made me feel like I am failing at parenting.  Being pregnant with the third is not a good time to feel like a failure.

Thanks Taryl for the comment on my last post.  I completely agree with you and I really appreciate your wisdom and guidance and the chance to share our journeys together.  I look forward to losing weight with you too!

Monday, July 12, 2010

Am I becoming too obsessive?

I have really gotten into tracking my calories with LoseIt!  I do my best to put everything in and stay under the reccomend calorie amount.  Right now the app reccomends that I have about 1800 calories.  When I choose good nutritional foods this is not a problem and I am not hungry.  I am working hard on recognizing when I am hungry and when I am 'bored'.  I just need to keep in mind that I am growing a child here.  I am a worrier and I worry that I am taking things too far.  I feel that weight management can be a slippery slope.

Friday, July 9, 2010

July is off to a Great Start

Exercising and diet are going pretty well for the most part.  I am happy with my activity level and how I am eating.  Again for the most part.  A few things are keeping me from a perfect score but that is life.

We went camping with the girls for the first time over the long weekend and it went really well.  We had a blast and once we figured out how to get the girls to sleep, there were no problems.  I can't wait to go again at the end of the month.  Eating, well during camping for some reason didn't go so well...I will blame the smores :)

The other challenges that I am having are the heat and Ally's sleep.  The heat isn't so bad but it does wear me out.  Now Ally's sleep is a huge battle and it is just getting worse.  I don't know what to do.  Last night was extremely horrible.  Mike and I need to make an action plan and I want it to be a positive plan.  I feel like the lack of sleep and frustration is making the battle extremely negative and I don't want that in my relationship with her.  I also am intrigued with diet and maybe we need to cut out sugar or I have heard red dye is really hard on kids.

My weight is doing pretty good and I am hoping to only have a 1-2 lb gain for the month when I see my midwife next week.  At this point I am sitting at 2 lbs but I am hoping some more of the junk food I ate last weekend will wear off.  I am about 210lbs, so that is pretty awesome in my opinion!

I also went for my gestational diabetes test on Wednesday and I hope the midwives will have the results.  I am pretty confident that everything is fine but I like to have the results.