Thursday, July 15, 2010

Own Worst Enemy

Seriously, I really am my worst enemy.  Like I don't have enough to worry about that I need to worry about becoming anorexic or something.  Good grief!  I am hungry and when given the chance for some chips or a cinnamon bun, I haven't said no.  I guess I got worried because I was enjoying the sense of control that counting my calories has given me but also hating the fact the scale has to go up.  When I wrote the post I was 210 but I knew that I would probably have to report 211 to my midwife.  I hated that the number went up and it was stressing me out.  I have come to terms with it and I realized that if I keep going at this rate there is a good chance I will weigh 10 lbs less at the end of this pregnancy.  Which is amazing.

I have also been beating myself up for the frustration and lack of control that I have with Ally's sleep problems.  This has been probably the hardest two weeks of my parenting career.  Now I may have said this before and will probably say it again but damn it has been hard.  She has fought sleep for hours and then is still waking up in the middle of the night.  I am exhausted and I have help at night!  I feel guilty that I can't figure out what the problem is and I feel guilty that I lose my temper.  I always feel guilty and the last couple weeks have made me feel like I am failing at parenting.  Being pregnant with the third is not a good time to feel like a failure.

Thanks Taryl for the comment on my last post.  I completely agree with you and I really appreciate your wisdom and guidance and the chance to share our journeys together.  I look forward to losing weight with you too!

1 comment:

  1. Ugh, the computer ate my comment.

    What I was saying was that weight loss and parenting have something crucial in common: you cannot control the outcome of either, only the effort and energy you put into them. The scale will do whet it wants, especially during pregnancy, as will Ally sleep or not sleep as SHE wants, especially at her age. Don't fret the things you can't control but rejoice in the things you CAN. Keep being diligent with your food, keep on focusing on cultivating healthy sleep habits with her.

    The results will take care of themselves, one way or another, but there is no need for guilt when you can honestly, comfortably say you are working hard at doing what you know needs to be done, in either area.

    Failure shouldn't be defined as a lack of results, but a lack of effort to reasonably achieve those results. Put forth the effort and the outcome is a lot more likely to come out in your favor. If you get frustrated and give up, that is a surefire way NOT to achieve the end you desire ;)