A-Ha Moment

This past week Mike was away having the ultimate guys weekend - drinking, golf, hockey and baseball.  I am glad that he got a chance to go away on a trip.  I handle the home front and things went amazing!  I had a great time with the kids and work.  Don't tell Mike but it is weeks like this that I think a fourth just might be possible.  I am just so glad that things are finally getting easier with the kids.

So back to my a-ha moment.

Mike went to the strippers.  In the past this is an outing that doesn't bother me, I see it as a fun guys night.  But this time it really, really bugged me.  I spent the next day ranting and yelling at him in my head.  I then asked myself, why am I bothered now?  What is so different about this time?

And here it comes.  Me - I am what is different now.  I have written about my loss of self-esteem and my dislike of my post baby body.  But it really sunk in for me how low it had gotten.  I was so angry at Mike because I was afraid of what he was thinking while at the strippers and how it reflected on me.  I was afraid that I wasn't good enough for him.

This thought stream really shook me up because I was never like that.  I was confident in myself. 

I realized that things need to change big time.  I don't like to myself this way.

For the past couple of weeks I have been doing Weight Watchers but the last two weeks, I haven't really done it and I have barely counted.  I am going to re-committ and count everything.

I have been inspired by my bestie Laurie and sister-in-law Billie who have both started to run.  I have decided to do the 'Couch to 5k' running plan.

Wish me luck.  I know I have written similar posts in the past.  Keep me in your thoughts and help me find the 30 minutes to exercise 3 times a week.  This is going to be hard but I think since the weather is nicer, it will be a bit easier.  My plan is to walk Ally to school and then go on my run afterwards.