Tired

Today I am tired and I am drowning in laundry and dishes.

I feel like I haven't slept in years...hmmm...that is almost accurate.

I want to crawl under a million blankets and hide.

Sleep and the lack of it has always effected me greatly.  My mood swings are extreme and my patience is next to none.  I become negative almost depressed and everywhere I turn I see my failures.

I am learning to cope when I have bad days but it is hard.  I do know that tomorrow or the next day I will be back to myself and everything will be rosy again.  But today I just want to cry and run away.

There is so much going on right now that I can't run away.  I can't even declare it a tv day and lay on the couch with the girls. 

Last week some major things happened.  I am not totally sure how I feel about the changes yet.  Our business is expanding and things are happening fast.  We took over a failing franchise area and scrambled to get a delivery person, papers delivered and in touch with all the advertisers.  The work was exhilerating and I enjoyed it.  But my house and children suffered.

The TV was on too much and I was on my computer too much.  I am struggling with finding a balance.  I will be putting Ally and Zoe in the dayhome 2 days a week and I am trying to not be on my computer the other days.  I am hiring someone to clean my house so that I can concentrate on  my kids.

I think things will go well.  But my girls are having a hard time leaving me and it breaks my heart to have to run out the door while the sitter or preschool teacher holds them from running after me.

This brings me back to today...where I am exhausted from spending the weekend away in a hotel room with 3 kids and from getting up every 2 hours.  I don't want to parent or clean today. 

But that isn't fair to my kids.  I will make it through the day, I just hope there is not too many tears or yelling.