Tonight I was the little engine that could. I had to really work to get my walk done. My legs and ankles were hurting again. It took every ounce in me to keep going and to not quit. I kept chanting, “I can do this” over and over. What kept me going was knowing that the marathon will be hard and it is going to hurt too. In a way I need to practice pushing through the pain.
I am a little annoyed that my motivation is waning. Tonight I almost convinced myself to lie to Mike and tell him that I did the walk earlier in the day. But who is that cheating him or me? Me, of course. I should be getting more excited as the day becomes closer but I think I am getting scared.
I am scared that I will not be able to finish. I am scared that I will really hurt myself. I am scared that I will be the last one to cross the finish line.
I know completly irrational especially being scared of being the last one because that still means I did it. I guess I want to do better than Mike did. I am competitive at the weirdest things. I feel like I have been training better and more consistently than he ever did so that means I should do better. But that is necesarily the case, is it? We are too different people.
I need to work on the motivation….