Saturday, April 18, 2009

I think I can, I think I can

Tonight I was the little engine that could.  I had to really work to get my walk done.  My legs and ankles were hurting again.  It took every ounce in me to keep going and to not quit.  I kept chanting, “I can do this” over and over.  What kept me going was knowing that the marathon will be hard and it is going to hurt too.  In a way I need to practice pushing through the pain.

I am a little annoyed that my motivation is waning.  Tonight I almost convinced myself to lie to Mike and tell him that I did the walk earlier in the day.  But who is that cheating him or me?  Me, of course.  I should be getting more excited as the day becomes closer but I think I am getting scared.

I am scared that I will not be able to finish.  I am scared that I will really hurt myself.  I am scared that I will be the last one to cross the finish line.

I know completly irrational especially being scared of being the last one because that still means I did it.  I guess I want to do better than Mike did.  I am competitive at the weirdest things.  I feel like I have been training better and more consistently than he ever did so that means I should do better.  But that is necesarily the case, is it?  We are too different people.

I need to work on the motivation….

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