Out of Shape

I am amazed at how out of shape I am. It has been 3 months since my marathon and I have lost it all. I am out of shape and I have gained 11 lbs since then. It is so annoying and frustrating. I am angry at myself but I am rolling that emotion into motivation to work hard to lose the weight.

I walked/ran to my parent's house which is about 8 minutes. Not a proper workout but it is something. I tried jogging back but forces combined. Ally fed Zoe a fruit snack and she started gagging on it. I also got the family out for a nice long walk tonight. It is sad to say but that is the most I have exercised in months and it was really nothing.

Tomorrow I start going to Weight Watchers meetings. I have lots of good groceries in the house and living in a small town will help my eating out addiction. I really hope I can be successful again. 4 years ago before my wedding I lost close to 50lbs so I hope I can do it again. Last night I just ate better but didn't really exercise, I hope by exercising a lot that I can do it.

What Not To Be

Tonight in between packing I watched a bit of What Not To Wear and it had a 46 year old Mother, who felt embarassed that people were telling her how good she looked and didn't think she deserved to be put first. She kept talking about how her kids were always first. You could tell that at one point she was a neat woman because she had some cool tattoos but she was so used to putting herself last that all the new clothes and learning to love herself was really hard. It struck me how easy it is to fall into the kids are first trap and how important it is for us to put ourselves first. What example are we setting for our children? Confidence and self worth are so important. And I think the only way that you can teach that is through example. That is why I think it is so important to take care of myself and love myself now. My self-esteem really tanked during and after my pregnancy with Zoe. Mike gets annoyed with me but I just can't see myself in a good light anymore and I used to have good confidence. That is why losing weight and more importantly changing my lifestyle is so important to me. It is for me and my girls.

Thinking

I have been doing alot of thinking lately; about how I failed this challenge, the amount of children we/I want, weightloss and of course the move. I tend to over think and really process everything. Zoe is not even 9 months old and I am planning my next kid. I got this way around when Ally was the same age too. Two kids....well that is different I don't want the third kids so close in age. I am not sure if I can handle it or rather if I want to handle it. I also know I don't want to get pregnant at this weight. I want and need to lose the weight. I need to for my girls so I have energy and the desire to play with them and not get so easily frustrated with them.

Mike and I have been going back and forth about how many kids we want. I want 4 and Mike is thinking 3 would be good. I believe we are great parents and should have more. My identity is wrapped up in being a mom, I love it, I research it and at this point I can't imagine life without a baby around. Mike, thankfully is focused on our future and how much kids cost. I don't know but it is a conversation we keep having over and over. And I have been obsessing about when to have the next kid. I think I am a little weird and maybe I need a hobby beside baby-making.

So since this challenge for me was a bit of a flop with this crazy move. I have really been thinking about what to do next and how to achieve weight loss. I realized that September 1st is just around the corner and if all goes to plan I want to start trying September 2010. I also have just finished Julie/Julia and it has inspired me to start a year long project. So I have decided to lose 52 lbs in 52 weeks. I thought it was kind of catchy 52 in 52! I also want to get myself back, evolve as a mother and start new hobbies.

In the next 52 weeks I want to:

-lose a minimum of 52 lbs (of course more would be great)

-run at least 2 races

-knit something for myself and the girls

I think that is it for now but bottom line I want to lose weight and learn to focus on me and my family. It sounds selfish but I do truly believe that the happiness of the family rests on the mother. I am going to start going to actual Weight Watchers meetings. I had lost close to 50 lbs about 4 years ago with Weight Watcher meetings so I think I can do it again. I want to run my first 5k - November 14 it is fittingly called Miles For Moms. And once we get settled in the new house, I am going to get my knitting out and knit some cute winter hats for Ally and Zoe.

So here we go......52 in 52!

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Tuesday

I am glad that I picked water as the challenge this week. I feel like at least I can do something healthy. I am not eating to terribly put I am not counting the calories. Doing well with water is keeping me sane. Zoe has learned to crawl and that has messed up her sleep incredibly. She is not napping well and waking up every two hours during the night. I am exhausted and stressed! Last night was crazy. Mike had to play golf (he is on a league) and I was alone with the girls. Ally went down with no trouble but was back up in 30 minutes calling, "Mommy! Mommy!" I went in a couple times all the while getting more and more irritated. I was so tired and just wanted some me time to pack. Finally I gave in before I went crazy grabbed Ally and some wine and we went and watched tv. Then Zoe woke up. Got Zoe back down at 9:30 and Ally at 10pm, had some more wine and Zoe woke again at 10:30pm! Ugh! Today I was a wreck but thanks to Laurie and Tammy my sanity was saved and I didn't yell at my kids once!

Week 3

I am not doing so well with this challenge and moving at the same time. So I am going to make this week's challenge something really easy. WATER! The challenge this week is to drink 8 or more glasses a day. I have been slacking on my water intake and it is so important especially since I am nursing. Give yourself 5 extra points if you drink 8 or more glasses of water a day.

Sunday and Week 2 Totals

Thank you to those who are still sticking to the challenge even though I am slacking. There is still a prize for your hard work! I am very sorry that I have been slack. But feel free to post you totals for the past week and I will tally them.

Wednesday and Thursday

Too busy packing but I wanted to do a post so you can post your points.

I hope everyone is doing well with the challenge.

Monday and Tuesday

Monday was a crap day because I was tired and the girls were cranky and not listening. Sometimes I wonder who starts the bad day is it me and the girls feed off of my energy or is it them and I just don't have the energy to deal? Who knows? Thankfully it got better in the evening even though Zoe would not sleep.

I did find out some upsetting news this weekend. I have been taking domperidone to help my milk supply. My doctor had suggested back in February that I could wean off of the medication but I had chosen not to because it gives me some peace of mind and I did not want to be stressed out all the time about my supply like I was with Alexandra. Well, I found out that domperidone can cause weight gain! Now there is no way to know if it is the medication that is causing me not to lose but I think it might play a large part. I haven't been 100% good all the time but when I was training for the marathon I was exercising more than I have ever exercised before and I didn't lose much at all. So I have decided that I think it is time to wean off the medication because I want to lose the weight, Zoe is old enough and I think my supply is well established and if I freak out I will take some herbs or have some nursing tea. I am scared though, I just need to have confidence.

Today I did my run! I made a promise to myself and I stuck to it! Woohoo! I feel so good. I like getting the run out of the way early. I did it during nap time because I was too tired to get up early. But I don't really care when I do it as long as I get it done.

Monday

Water=6

Food=5

Exercise=0

Challenge=0

Tuesday=

Water=

Food=

Exercise=5

Challenge=0

Sunday and Week 1 Totals

So this hasn't been the best start to the challenge but I am feeling good about this next coming week. I think I am going to try getting up early and exercising because my evenings are when I need to pack. I am feeling really positive right now. I am ready to start working on myself again and excited for moving. I am just so happy right now! After all the stress in the last few weeks, I feel like packing and unpacking will be a piece of cake!

So the challenge for the next week is to cut out a treat or junk food and save it until the end of the week as a reward. I will be cutting out Starbucks this week and will use it as a reward if I exercise 5 times this week. If you do this give yourself 10 points on Sunday.

Here are the totals for the week. If you haven't posted your points yet, don't worry there still is time and I will update as I get your points.

Laurie=74 Rock on, Sista!!

Pam=59

Melynda=34

Amy=30

Friday

I am inspired again! And I owe all thanks to my friends Pam and Laurie. I am going to run a 5k in November. I am ready and committed I have planned out my progression from walking to running and allowed for some time of during the week we move. I am also swearing off Starbucks until I have ran 5 times next week. I am ready to start moving.

I am sick of being fat and I want to get pregnant again at a good weight. I am also moving back to the town I grew up in and the scared high school girl in me doesn't want to go back fat. So I need to do something.

Water=8

Food=5

Exercise=0

Challenge-0

Thursday

Today was a decent day despite being up until 3 am with Zoe. I hate when I am up all night with a kid, I feel so hung over. Which sucks because being hung over without the party is not fun. I ate a bit better today but no exercise....grrr....I need to get off my butt but I just can't get motivated it. At least I was productive around the house.

Water=6

Food=5

Exercise=o

Challenge=0

Wednesday

Finally some good news! We got our house again! Woohoo! I have seriously been a basket case so now I can concentrate on moving and losing weight.

Food=0

Water=6

Exercise=0

Challenge=0

Tuesday

How has the start been for you? I had a rough start because it is hard to start a diet on a holiday and all this house stuff has me going through the emotional ringer. One minute I am excited and the next I am in tears. I am sick of decisions and indecision. I want someone to just make the decision for me and I will leave with the consequences. But on a good note I have a washer and it appears to work. Now I have to catch up on all the laundry.

Monday

I got up and weighed myself. What a depressing thing. I have almost gained all my weight back. I need this challenge and I need to learn how to make eating and exercising a priority. Sigh.....I am rather depressed. A wrench has been thrown into our house buying plans and my washer broke. The fabulous house that I am in love with has been appraised much lower than the selling price so we can't get financed. There is hope, of course there always is, maybe we will get the house cheaper and there are other houses out there. So we will see. Right now it is time to worry about when I will exercise.

Water=4

Eating=0

Exercise=0

Challenge=0

Let' make this a great week!

Challenge

Okay, so Monday is the official start. I will start tallying your points weekly. Please post your points at least every week on Sunday. Feel fee to post daily too. If you do not post for two weeks than I will assume you are out. Everyone who posted during the warmup week will get a 10 point bonus.

Next week's challenge is to exercise. This may sound easy but if you are like me it is tough. All you have to do is at least 5 minutes of pure intended exercise to get 10 points. The challenge points this week only count once and then your exercise counts towards your regular exercise points, 5 points for 30 minutes.

Good luck!