My Job

I use this blog as a way to vent and clear my head sometimes and ultimately to work on weight loss.  Today I thought I would tell you all the reasons (that I can think of in this moment at 11pm after dealing with sick, cooped up kids) why I love being a mom.

• Warm just woken up bodies looking for a cuddle
• groggy eyes and messy hair - Ally and Zoe have the best morning hair ever, I want to know how Ally sleeps to get her bangs standing straight up.
• being the one they come when they are hurt
• having helping (or more likely non-helping) hands when I am trying to cook, clean and yes, even pump.  Don't ask.
• endless entertainment, everything from actual performances with amazing power ballads to cute shoulder shrugs saying, "Don no."
• watching the sibling bond grow
• days that pj's and clothing are optional
• the more princess dresses on the prettier one is
• watching personalities develop
• a new appreciation for the power of sleep
• learning about yourself
• becoming stronger and more opinionated

That is definitely the short list from what I can remember from today.  I am just so thankful that our children have a stay at home parent and that it is me.

Pampering

I discovered something this weekend.  I discovered that spending time on yourself like doing your hair or make up is an easy thing to help you feel good about yourself.  Usually I don't blow dry my hair or do make up, I don't have time or I don't want to share my make up with my daughters.  Yeah, I'm mean like that.  I also have never seen the point to doing anything when I am not trying to impress anyone or I am just saying at home.

This weekend I had a little trade fair for Tupperware and I got dressed up, not fancy but did my hair and make up.  I was exhausted, cranky and felt fat which was exasperated by not finding the shirt I wanted to wear.  I didn't want to dress up but because of the way I was feeling I felt like I needed everything to make me look presentable.  What I discovered and also surprised me was that I actually felt great and just looking put together gave me some much needed confidence.

I am going to remember the feeling and do it more!

6 Weeks

Georgia is 6 weeks today and that also means I have been a mother of three for that long too.  I think overall it is going well and getting better each day.  I can also say that I am enjoying it and most days when asked if I want another I don't laugh in their faces. 

I am struggling with my parenting style.  Because Ally and I had milk supply issues; breastfeeding and supply became my obsession.  I nursed her for every little cry and she comfort nursed all the time.  I also believed that keeping the baby at the breast was important.  I did this for Zoe and it was okay.  I am doing it for Georgia but it is getting hard. 

Sleep is the root of the problem.  It is not the length or how often she is up but it is extremely difficult to get her to go to sleep.  It is a lot of nursing and that takes away from Ally and Zoe and they are showing signs that they need more attention.  Georgia will nurse, fall asleep and then I wait for a bit and put her down and she wakes up like 10 minutes later if not sooner.  This pattern continues until she is so overtired that nursing barely soothes her.  She wants to suck but then gets mad that there is milk.  The problem is that this takes all day or late into the night.  Like today, she had a wonderful morning nap and got up at 12pm and she has not slept more than 20 minutes all day.

 I know that she is young and this too shall pass but because nursing was the cure all for Ally and Zoe, I have no other tricks up my sleeve.  I ask Mike for help but he has no clue either.  I have tried the swing, I rock, walk, bounce and sing.  These all work once or twice but never consistently and Georgia smells the milk so she gets even more mad.  And then I am so tired that I give up to save my sanity.

I feel guilty for neglecting my other daughters, getting frustrated at Mike and Georgia.

I wish that I had a better memory to remember when a schedule and naps became easier.  With Ally, I got her into a schedule pretty quickly because I slept with her for every nap.  With Zoe, I was able to put her down by herself for the morning nap and I slept with her for the afternoon nap.  From there I was able to easily transition them to sleeping by themselves and having a nice consistent schedule.  Now with Georgia, the morning nap has just started to happen but the afternoon nap or naps do not happen.

I am writing this post to vent as that is the case with most of my posts and maybe if there is a 4th child to give me a better timeline as to when things will get better.  I am also hoping that some of you followers and my wonderful commentors will help me with some tricks or just remind me that it will be better soon.

Failure

I am a failure...yes, I know that is harsh but it is true.  I failed at NaBloPoMo.  Let's face it, to start I am tired and busy.  Also, I am not a great writer and at times not even a good writer.  I have a hard time writing about my days in a detailed way let alone an interesting way.

 I have only done a year and a half of college.  I am a college drop out, I blame it on Costco and stats.  My first year of college I lived at home and drove 45 minutes into school every day.  I did well in my classes but I could not write papers.  I was taught the 'hamburger' essay in like grade 7 if not earlier.  This style of easy is an intro and conclusion -the buns and then three paragraphs in the middle - the meat, lettuce and tomato.  For the life of me, I can not get past this style and find if very difficult to write more than 5 paragraphs.  This as you may know does not fly in college, even if the paragraph is long and I had done lots of research. 

I took up blogging because I love blogs and I enjoy how even if no one reads what you write in a small way you are a published author.  To me that is cool.  I am also trying to hone my writing skills and learn the art of describing because I do have aspirations to go back to school one day. 

I sometimes wonder what an experienced writer or anyone who has a good grasp of grammar must think of my writing.  I don't think about it for long because then someone starts screaming or pulling hair or I fall asleep.  Right now my main goal in bettering my skills is to remember to spell check and proof read.

Sleep is for sissies

Today has been good and so very hard.  I was able to get Georgia down for a morning nap and I got a fair bit of housework done.  Georgia woke at 11:30am and hasn't slept more than 20 minutes since and it almost midnight.  I am having a hard time with Georgia, I am not sure why she won't settle or stay asleep for long.  At times I think it is gas and I try everything I can think of to relieve her discomfort but that doesn't seem to work either.  The nice thing about being a veteran mom is that I know things will change again soon.  It is just so exhausting on all levels. 

I am trying hard not to get wrapped in the 'if only' or 'shoulda, coulda, woulda's as i am prone to do and just getting through the day and soon to be night.

Tuesday

On my quest for keeping busy, I found out that there is a nice little playgroup in town that is put on by the government.  I invited a friend of mine to come along too.  It was such a great morning!  I got to visit and Ally and Zoe played so well.  There are lots of kids and new toys, which is always great. Then in the afternoon  we had some friends come to play and stayed for dinner. 

Unfortunately bedtime was a horrific battle but I got to miss most of it because I was at a board meeting.  I won't go into it but Ally did lose her halloween candy.  I was shocked because it did not phase her to watch me throw the candy in the garbage.  I bet it will be an issue this afternoon when she asks for her daily treat.

I didn't really throw it away but now I can eat candy and not feel guilty for taking Ally's.

It's getting better all the time

Having three kids is getting easier every day.  I am still having some issues with discipline and all the fighting but things are really improving and we are finding our groove.  Last Friday was a success, we actual got out of the house with no yelling.  We ended up having a great day.  My goal is to be busy in the mornings and get out of the house or have people over.  Then the rest of the day can be relaxed.  I find that if we don't do something in the morning, that we are all stir-crazy and I tend to feel guilty about having too much tv.  Now as you may have read in a previous post that tv days are neccesary some days but if I can avoid it the better.  Plus some fresh air and a some company always makes for a better day.

Ally is still really trying my patience but I am for the most part staying calm and reinforcing consequences and being firm.  It is really hard when I am nursing Georgia and the girls start acting up.  I haven't quite gotten my strategy down but it is coming.  I am reluctant to get up and go break up the fight while Georgia is nursing but I can do it and I think I need to do it more because it is more effective than me yelling from my chair.

Georgia has been having some gas issues.  Can you believe that this is my third kid and I don't really know what to do with a gassy baby?  On Friday, she was so upset and Mike was out.  I was really worried and of course being over tired, I almost joined Georgia in crying.  Thankfully Mike came home and had the magic touch.  Unfortunately sleep has been much different since then.  She has started being awake in the middle of the night again.

I have also haven't had time to nap.  I love to nap and I even napped before having kids.  No naps and poor sleep at night has been hard but I have been able to get a lot done in the afternoon.  Today I cleaned out the entry way closet and got things organized for all the winter clothes.

My treadmill broke this weekend and I am very sad.  I was just starting to get on and do some exercise and it breaks.  We can't afford to get a new one so I guess I will have to figure out the bike or go back to the Wii.  Still finding the time is hard, oh well.