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A week or so ago I was feeling depressed and this blog was making me feel like a failure so I deleted it and then immediately regretted that so I made it private.   Thanks to those who noticed, it is nice to know people read this.

I decided today that I am not a failure...I have been losing and being healthy.  There is nothing wrong with a gain here or there.  I just need to keep going.    So the latest challenge was again another flop.  The miscarriage has really thrown me for a loop and all the emotions and hormones tied with it have made me one crazy mama.

And to add to the mix, Mike and I have been having issues.

Thankfully as of today, everything seems to be resolved!  My miscarriage can now be put away and I can move on.  Mike and I are once again going strong and I am very excited about Christmas.

I am also ready to keep trying to lose weight.

 Last week I baked up a storm.  I love giving baking as Christmas gifts.  I feel like it is a really personal gift because while I am slaving away and yelling at Ally not to  throw the flour on the floor, I am thinking of you and hoping you will like what I made.  With all the chaos of baking with two kids, I didn't drink my water and I ate a ton of baking and I gained a bit.  But I have reined it in and I am going hard again.

Today I also decided that I should start drinking green tea.  I have been reading about how it helps with weightloss and it didn't seem too weird.  So I thought why not, if I am going to be drinking 4 litres a day...why not add some flavour by drinking some tea?

On top of everything, I have been really struggling with my self-esteem.  I have been really hating myself and feeling disgusting.  I don't want this attitude to rule my life because it is impossible to be happy when you hate yourself.  And I want to nip this in the butt quickly so that it doesn't effect the girls (because I am cranky) and that in years it sets them up for poor self esteem.

Mike has been supportive and has decided to give me some more spending money so that I can spend it on myself.  It won't be a lot but  this way I can buy some jeans that look good on me instead of ones that were cheap at Costco.

Today is a good day and like I said soooo excited for Christmas!