Sick Babes

It has been a tough few days. Zoe got sick on Saturday and then Ally got sick today. I hate seeing my babies sick. It is hard on everyone when someone in the house is sick. Especially on me. I learned again how I need to just roll with the punches and not get to hung up on what I had planned.

Sometimes I get so wrapped up in my plans and then I am easily frustrated with the girls and how they messed things up. And my plans aren't even that important. I don't know why, I am usually an easy going person. When I am frustrated I just can't manage the my temper or handle dealing with the girls.

On top of Zoe being sick, I am still dealing with her sleep issues. Last night was so hard! Zoe just would not sleep and she kept screaming - now this girl has the absolute worst cry it is like a screech! When she starts screeching it just drives me up the wall and I can just about lose it. When I am exhausted and she won't sleep and keeps screeching, I hate to admit it but I can understand why people shake their babies. I can control myself but I can see how someone could do it. I can control myself. Last night I discovered something to keep myself from getting frustrated and annoyed. I just start repeating over and over in my head, "I love you, Zoe. I love you, Zoe" And it really worked! I calmed down immediately and it turned the whole day around too. Usually after a tough night I am done for the next day but today went really well. Even with the girls being sick and needy.

I am learning how much easier it is when I just roll with things. I hope I can keep it up! It makes everyone much happier.

Also, another good thing happened today! I lost weight! I lose 1.2 lbs! Woohoo! I followed the diet and counted really well. I am glad that when I actually follow the diet that it works!

Sleep

Zoe has been sleeping terribly for about the last month and it is making me crazy! I slept with both girls until about 7 months so I missed the frequent wakings of newborns and I was able to sleep through. Now I can't and waking up every 2 hours is really killing me! I don't know how people do it. I am so emotional and I can barely keep the house clean because I am exhausted. If I don't nap when the girls are down my day is ruined. Mike has tried to help and given her formula for one of her wakings. For my formula brings along its on ball of wax.

I hate having to give her formula and it makes me feel like I have failed. She is eating a ton during the day and I am pretty sure she doesn't need to be waking up but I don't know how to get her to stop. I am not a fan of crying it out but I have seen its purpose. It doesn't work on Zoe or at least she can go much longer than I can. I know that if she cries to much that she won't go to sleep. Also letting Zoe cry it out in the middle of the night poses the problem of waking everyone else. And that just can't happen.

I am amazed at how sleep effects everything! I do hope it gets better soon.

Down

So I am done but it is such a minute amount that it almost isn't worth mentioning. I am now 209 lbs. Ugh! I know how I could do better and I am going to try better this next week. This dieting stuff is hard and I am beginning to hate it. I feel like I have been doing this for months with no actual loss. Now that isn't true, during the move I ate horribly and I gained back everything I had lost. Ugh! It just sucks.

Down!!

I am down 1.4 lbs! Woohoo! My official weight is 209.2 lbs. I had a horrible weekend, I ended up in the hospital and didn't sleep for about 48 hours. I ended up having to eat twice at a fast food place and then I enjoyed some comfort food. But I got back on the wagon as soon as I could and it paid off.

I had been weighing myself through out the week and it was down last week and then after my hospital stay the scale was going up and up. I was getting rather depressed but I was glad that there was a reason at least. Thankfully when I got to the meeting and stepped on to the scale it was lower than last week. I have decided not to step on my scale again. I don't need the emotional up and down when my scale is inaccurate.

I haven't exercised but right now it is important for me to be well rested and sane. I am finding the lack of sleep is really getting to me and I am having a hard time getting through the day. So my priority is eating well and sleep.

1 for diet 0 for Mothering

I ate well today! I actually ate 5 servings of fruit and vegetables! I am happy and I feel great. The quote in my Weight Watchers book today was, "Nothing feels better than healthy does." That is so true. I am so thrilled with how I am doing and I think it really helps that Mike is on a diet too. I do better with a partner. It also helps on the grocery bill. We went shopping tonight for fruit and veg and the fridge is so full; both crispers are full and the bottom shelf.

Unfortunately we had a terrible night. Ally was up and Zoe is sick. I was up with one kid or the other from 10:30 -2am. I was tired and cranky. Mike slept through it, I thought on purpose so I was really pissed at him and I almost kicked him out of bed. Thankfully I am more rational in the mornings. The late night screwed up my chance of exercising today. I was really bitter about missing my exercise. Maybe I need to lower my expectations about exercise. Maybe just going out for walks with the kids is good enough. I don't know.

After a bad night, I am in such a funk. I yell, scream and cry at least once during the day. I feel like the worst mother ever and that I can't cope and I feel close to a breakdown. Ally has really been pushing my buttons and I don't know how to stay calm and be a good mom to her. I have read the books and I know she is not testing me deliberately. Knowing that doesn't help my temper. I wonder if it is the lack of sleep...gosh I hope it is. All I know is that normally I am so level headed and I love my kids but some days...

Weigh In

Today was my first Weight Watchers meeting. I am feeling hopeful that I am going to lose if I work hard at it. I have mixed feelings about posting my weight but I think it will help to keep me on track. So here it is 210.6 lbs, I hope to never see that number again. So here is to a good week!

I ate well today and I am ready to start writing, counting and measuring. My goal for this week is to measure everything. I know the points for so many things that I probably over estimate my portions. I bought a scale tonight so that will help with getting my portions under control.