Maybe it does...

Some of my readers have been wondering how my weight loss efforts have been going.  After being so enthusiastic a month ago, I really haven't been doing much.  Mike has started consulting in the city and is gone all day and some evenings too.  That has been hard so exercise and weightloss has been put on the back burner as I learn to parent 3 children.  I haven't been too worried because well it is the Christmas season and I have been doing a lot of baking.  Now here is a shocker....I have actually been losing weight!  Woohoo!  Finally breastfeeding is working for me!  For the last 3 weeks I have lost 2lbs each week.  I don't know how long it will last but I am enjoying the benefits right now.

Positive Thoughts

I am so glad I wrote the last post when I did because the very next day things went downhill fast and I was thisclose to throwing in the towel.  And in true Melynda fashion I freaked out and signed up for every parenting class I could find.  Now a week later I am calm and reminding myself that, "This to shall pass."

What was so bad?  Ally being the first to go through everything constantly challenges me.  I find babies to be easy, granted I am blessed with easy babies but I have been through the newborn stage 3 times and I know what is coming and how to deal with it.  Three going on four is a something on to itself.  Ally somehow manages to throw every curve ball there is and of course at the worst times.  Last week Ally proceeded to  use her bedroom (which is two feet away from the bathroom) as a toilet.  I am so glad that she hasn't learned to lie yet because the surprise she left would have been so much worse a day later.  The next thing was anger.  Ally has started to experience the powerful emotion that is anger.  It would completely take over her and she would lose control and then she would hurt Zoe. 

I was completely blown away by the behaviors and started to question my ability to parent.  My reaction to the fighting was not something I was proud of.  I am hoping that the classes will help because I need some tools to deal with the age three because there are two more to follow.

Thankfuly the week is ending on a better note than last week.

My Job

I use this blog as a way to vent and clear my head sometimes and ultimately to work on weight loss.  Today I thought I would tell you all the reasons (that I can think of in this moment at 11pm after dealing with sick, cooped up kids) why I love being a mom.

• Warm just woken up bodies looking for a cuddle
• groggy eyes and messy hair - Ally and Zoe have the best morning hair ever, I want to know how Ally sleeps to get her bangs standing straight up.
• being the one they come when they are hurt
• having helping (or more likely non-helping) hands when I am trying to cook, clean and yes, even pump.  Don't ask.
• endless entertainment, everything from actual performances with amazing power ballads to cute shoulder shrugs saying, "Don no."
• watching the sibling bond grow
• days that pj's and clothing are optional
• the more princess dresses on the prettier one is
• watching personalities develop
• a new appreciation for the power of sleep
• learning about yourself
• becoming stronger and more opinionated

That is definitely the short list from what I can remember from today.  I am just so thankful that our children have a stay at home parent and that it is me.

Pampering

I discovered something this weekend.  I discovered that spending time on yourself like doing your hair or make up is an easy thing to help you feel good about yourself.  Usually I don't blow dry my hair or do make up, I don't have time or I don't want to share my make up with my daughters.  Yeah, I'm mean like that.  I also have never seen the point to doing anything when I am not trying to impress anyone or I am just saying at home.

This weekend I had a little trade fair for Tupperware and I got dressed up, not fancy but did my hair and make up.  I was exhausted, cranky and felt fat which was exasperated by not finding the shirt I wanted to wear.  I didn't want to dress up but because of the way I was feeling I felt like I needed everything to make me look presentable.  What I discovered and also surprised me was that I actually felt great and just looking put together gave me some much needed confidence.

I am going to remember the feeling and do it more!

6 Weeks

Georgia is 6 weeks today and that also means I have been a mother of three for that long too.  I think overall it is going well and getting better each day.  I can also say that I am enjoying it and most days when asked if I want another I don't laugh in their faces. 

I am struggling with my parenting style.  Because Ally and I had milk supply issues; breastfeeding and supply became my obsession.  I nursed her for every little cry and she comfort nursed all the time.  I also believed that keeping the baby at the breast was important.  I did this for Zoe and it was okay.  I am doing it for Georgia but it is getting hard. 

Sleep is the root of the problem.  It is not the length or how often she is up but it is extremely difficult to get her to go to sleep.  It is a lot of nursing and that takes away from Ally and Zoe and they are showing signs that they need more attention.  Georgia will nurse, fall asleep and then I wait for a bit and put her down and she wakes up like 10 minutes later if not sooner.  This pattern continues until she is so overtired that nursing barely soothes her.  She wants to suck but then gets mad that there is milk.  The problem is that this takes all day or late into the night.  Like today, she had a wonderful morning nap and got up at 12pm and she has not slept more than 20 minutes all day.

 I know that she is young and this too shall pass but because nursing was the cure all for Ally and Zoe, I have no other tricks up my sleeve.  I ask Mike for help but he has no clue either.  I have tried the swing, I rock, walk, bounce and sing.  These all work once or twice but never consistently and Georgia smells the milk so she gets even more mad.  And then I am so tired that I give up to save my sanity.

I feel guilty for neglecting my other daughters, getting frustrated at Mike and Georgia.

I wish that I had a better memory to remember when a schedule and naps became easier.  With Ally, I got her into a schedule pretty quickly because I slept with her for every nap.  With Zoe, I was able to put her down by herself for the morning nap and I slept with her for the afternoon nap.  From there I was able to easily transition them to sleeping by themselves and having a nice consistent schedule.  Now with Georgia, the morning nap has just started to happen but the afternoon nap or naps do not happen.

I am writing this post to vent as that is the case with most of my posts and maybe if there is a 4th child to give me a better timeline as to when things will get better.  I am also hoping that some of you followers and my wonderful commentors will help me with some tricks or just remind me that it will be better soon.

Failure

I am a failure...yes, I know that is harsh but it is true.  I failed at NaBloPoMo.  Let's face it, to start I am tired and busy.  Also, I am not a great writer and at times not even a good writer.  I have a hard time writing about my days in a detailed way let alone an interesting way.

 I have only done a year and a half of college.  I am a college drop out, I blame it on Costco and stats.  My first year of college I lived at home and drove 45 minutes into school every day.  I did well in my classes but I could not write papers.  I was taught the 'hamburger' essay in like grade 7 if not earlier.  This style of easy is an intro and conclusion -the buns and then three paragraphs in the middle - the meat, lettuce and tomato.  For the life of me, I can not get past this style and find if very difficult to write more than 5 paragraphs.  This as you may know does not fly in college, even if the paragraph is long and I had done lots of research. 

I took up blogging because I love blogs and I enjoy how even if no one reads what you write in a small way you are a published author.  To me that is cool.  I am also trying to hone my writing skills and learn the art of describing because I do have aspirations to go back to school one day. 

I sometimes wonder what an experienced writer or anyone who has a good grasp of grammar must think of my writing.  I don't think about it for long because then someone starts screaming or pulling hair or I fall asleep.  Right now my main goal in bettering my skills is to remember to spell check and proof read.

Sleep is for sissies

Today has been good and so very hard.  I was able to get Georgia down for a morning nap and I got a fair bit of housework done.  Georgia woke at 11:30am and hasn't slept more than 20 minutes since and it almost midnight.  I am having a hard time with Georgia, I am not sure why she won't settle or stay asleep for long.  At times I think it is gas and I try everything I can think of to relieve her discomfort but that doesn't seem to work either.  The nice thing about being a veteran mom is that I know things will change again soon.  It is just so exhausting on all levels. 

I am trying hard not to get wrapped in the 'if only' or 'shoulda, coulda, woulda's as i am prone to do and just getting through the day and soon to be night.