I think...I hope...well knock on wood that I am feeling better. We just got back from a whirlwind weekend at a conference at West Edmonton Mall. I was worried how we (especially me) would do with the lack of sleep and I am so glad to say that it went really well! I also only gained a pound, which is awesome when you are eating every meal out and not even good food because with two kids fast food is just easier on everyone.
My plan is to get back on the wii and do a 30-60min walk every day. I hate saying that I work out on the wii but it is a decent work out and I get some strength training in. I am going to try and get outside and walk but a walk on the treadmill is just as good. I hope to be able to do it every day or at least 5 days a week. Even though I am a stay at home mom, weekends are completely different.
Now the hard part is to get back into cooking. I still have no desire to eat and I have no groceries. The grocery store in town has a delivery service that I am contemplating using but....it seems kind of lazy and maybe I should just wait until tomorrow.
Today is Ally's birthday!! My baby is 3! Time flies...it really does.
Monday, March 22, 2010
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
First Midwife Appointment
I had my first appointment today and it was with my favorite midwife Nadine. I love her! She is so nice and kind of on the hippy side. She works part time and so far hasn't been at any of my births but I really hope she will be at my next one.
We talked about where I am going to birth because I am in Didsbury now I can't have a home birth which really saddens me. I loved my birth with Zoe it was just perfect. We talked about the birth center or birthing in a hotel. Sounds fun, eh? I love the hotel idea just because then I get the benefit of giving birth and walking to my bed and staying there. That is my favorite part of a homebirth. But I also really enjoyed making noise last time (weird, I know) so I think that would be weird in a hotel. And I also like a bit of a party at my births. I want Ally to be there for sure, my mom, sister, sister -in-law, a friend or two and of course Mike. So I think the birth center will be it even though the downside is that I have to leave 3 hrs after the birth. Ugh!
So the appointment was pretty standard. I have a bunch of lab tests to do and will need to book my 20 week ultrasound. The disappointing thing is that Nadine couldn't find the heart beat. I have been very nervous about the heartbeat since Saturday when my nausea decreased a ton. But it is very early I am only 10 weeks 4 days. I want to rent a doppler but I know that will just feed my insanity and stress more. I know that if I keep trying and can't find it then I will be a basket case. I am reminding myself that it is early and that there is really nothing I can do either way.
We talked about where I am going to birth because I am in Didsbury now I can't have a home birth which really saddens me. I loved my birth with Zoe it was just perfect. We talked about the birth center or birthing in a hotel. Sounds fun, eh? I love the hotel idea just because then I get the benefit of giving birth and walking to my bed and staying there. That is my favorite part of a homebirth. But I also really enjoyed making noise last time (weird, I know) so I think that would be weird in a hotel. And I also like a bit of a party at my births. I want Ally to be there for sure, my mom, sister, sister -in-law, a friend or two and of course Mike. So I think the birth center will be it even though the downside is that I have to leave 3 hrs after the birth. Ugh!
So the appointment was pretty standard. I have a bunch of lab tests to do and will need to book my 20 week ultrasound. The disappointing thing is that Nadine couldn't find the heart beat. I have been very nervous about the heartbeat since Saturday when my nausea decreased a ton. But it is very early I am only 10 weeks 4 days. I want to rent a doppler but I know that will just feed my insanity and stress more. I know that if I keep trying and can't find it then I will be a basket case. I am reminding myself that it is early and that there is really nothing I can do either way.
Priorities
I have been doing a lot of thinking about my priorities as a mom lately maybe it is because I have barely done any house work and laid on the couch for most of the day. I hate cleaning and I really would like it to go away and my house be perfect. I have a friend who's house is perfect all the time. I don't get it and the thought of doing the same makes me want to curl up in my bed for 2 days straight. Seriously her house is like a magazine and she has two kids. I really don't understand how she does it and why? I was there yesterday and all the beds were made, no toy out of place, no dish left out or stray sock laying around. We walked into her toy room and everything was in its place and all the toys and furniture all coordinate.
At times it makes me envious. I would like my house to look like that but I know that it would drive me crazy, seriously I don't think I could handle the pressure. I also don't think it is fair on my kids because the pressure would cause me to not let them play or touch anything and I would probably yell all the time. I am beginning to come to terms with my messiness and try to revel in it.
I am now feeling better so hopefully I will start to do more around the house but what I really feel guilty about is not the mess but the lack of things I have done with Ally and Zoe. We have barely done any crafts, baked or gone out. I want to get back to that. It is getting better each day. Thank goodness!
At times it makes me envious. I would like my house to look like that but I know that it would drive me crazy, seriously I don't think I could handle the pressure. I also don't think it is fair on my kids because the pressure would cause me to not let them play or touch anything and I would probably yell all the time. I am beginning to come to terms with my messiness and try to revel in it.
I am now feeling better so hopefully I will start to do more around the house but what I really feel guilty about is not the mess but the lack of things I have done with Ally and Zoe. We have barely done any crafts, baked or gone out. I want to get back to that. It is getting better each day. Thank goodness!
Thursday, March 4, 2010
Haha...feeling alive?
I laughed when I saw the tittle of the last post because I haven't felt alive in many weeks...I feel like death warmed over at my worst. That is why I haven't been able to blog. I barely have energy to get off the couch. My poor girls...they are so good to me! But I am almost 10 weeks so the end is near...I hope...if it isn't then I will go on some drugs for nausea because who wants to live this way?
I miss exercising and eating healthy but I just can't right now. I am all about mall food and I love Koryo and Thai Express. Actually I am all about food that is not made by me or in my house. But despite this I have lost weight about 5 lbs so far.
I will get back to the blogging world as soon as I can.
I miss exercising and eating healthy but I just can't right now. I am all about mall food and I love Koryo and Thai Express. Actually I am all about food that is not made by me or in my house. But despite this I have lost weight about 5 lbs so far.
I will get back to the blogging world as soon as I can.
Friday, February 12, 2010
Feeling Alive
The last couple weeks have been a gong show! It started out on I guess the first of February, when I got my ultrasound results from the week before. The ultrasound report said that there was no definitive signs of pregnancy. I was quite upset and I called my midwife who said that there was a good chance I was pregnant. She sent me for blood work to test the Hcg levels, basically if you are pregnant it will typically double. Meanwhile, the morning sickness started, the hunger and exhaustion, it sucks feeling like crap when there may not be a good reason. By Friday, I got 2 sets of results back and my numbers had nearly doubled so I was feeling very hopeful. Saturday, Mike and I went to see Avatar and unfortunately we were in the second row. Now I don't typically do well sitting that close but I thought it would be okay because I had my glasses. Well I made it 30 minutes and had to leave and threw up in the bathroom, tried to go back and watch the movie had to leave and didn't make it to the bathroom....and threw up in a garbage can in the middle of the mall....ugh! So embarrassing.
Then this past week the morning sickness has been full blast and I went for another ultrasound on Tuesday and I do indeed have a baby! My dates were a bit off and I got to see the heartbeat. Even though I have been feeling like death warmed over, I am really happy that there is a little baby growing and making it all worthwhile.
With feeling nauseaous, food has not been my friend, I hate it and I hate having to think about what to make. I have barely cooked this week. But I have lost two pounds. Which is awesome, I am not trying to lose weight I am trying to maintain my weight for the first and most of the second trimester.
Today has been the first day I have been feeling well. I was motivated to do some cleaning. It started with the highchair, which was disgusting and then once that was done I washed the floor and ran the dishwasher. I am very proud of myself because for most of the week I have barely been able to get off the couch.
I am doing my best to limit tv for the girls. Ally could watch tv all day and I am trying to not take advantage of that in my sick state. My goal is for 1 hr a day which is still alot but hey, we are in survival mode. I can't wait until the summer when I can throw the girls outside and they can play all day. I really hope that they will play well together for the most part.
Then this past week the morning sickness has been full blast and I went for another ultrasound on Tuesday and I do indeed have a baby! My dates were a bit off and I got to see the heartbeat. Even though I have been feeling like death warmed over, I am really happy that there is a little baby growing and making it all worthwhile.
With feeling nauseaous, food has not been my friend, I hate it and I hate having to think about what to make. I have barely cooked this week. But I have lost two pounds. Which is awesome, I am not trying to lose weight I am trying to maintain my weight for the first and most of the second trimester.
Today has been the first day I have been feeling well. I was motivated to do some cleaning. It started with the highchair, which was disgusting and then once that was done I washed the floor and ran the dishwasher. I am very proud of myself because for most of the week I have barely been able to get off the couch.
I am doing my best to limit tv for the girls. Ally could watch tv all day and I am trying to not take advantage of that in my sick state. My goal is for 1 hr a day which is still alot but hey, we are in survival mode. I can't wait until the summer when I can throw the girls outside and they can play all day. I really hope that they will play well together for the most part.
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Big News!!!
Alot has happened since my last post. I really struggled with the doing the diet over the weekend. I was really committed when I wrote the post but my committment waned as time went on. I began to think of the logistics and how it would effect the girls. Part of doing the diet is you must commit to weighing in 3 times a week and that is in the city about 45 minutes away. And we would have to do it before Mike starts work, he has been going in around 6 am. I began to realize that that isn't fair to the girls to have to get up that early, sit in their carseats for 2 hrs 3 times a week. I couldn't do it and I was worried about what the rest of our day would look like would we be able to do any of the other fun things like swimming and crafts? Saturday night I went to bed and prayed for God to give me an answer as to what I should do. I dreamed that I was pregnant. I got up and tested and voila! I am pregnant!!!!
I was shocked. I had a suspicion that we may have timed things right but I didn't think to much of it because I didn't think I was really back to normal yet from the miscarriage. But I am very excited...scared but excited.
So because of my weight I do need to work hard at only gaining 10-15lbs. That is really hard. With Zoe, I did really well and gained about 25lbs so I know I can do it. My goals are to eat well and to get and least 20 minutes of exercise 5/7 days and try for up to an hour a day. I have been doing my wii fit and then walking in the afternoon with the girls. I plan on keeping this up.
Friday, January 22, 2010
The Line
The other day I went swimsuit shopping and it was a horrible experience. Swimsuit shopping is not fun most of the time but what made this trip worse is that I had to go up a size. I had to go to an 18, now that is major for me. 18 means plus-size and not shopping at regular stores. For me this is the line that I can not and will not cross. I have to do something. So I have decided to do the diet that Mike is on. I am a little scared because most people I have talked to think it is a bad idea. The diet is seductive because it is fast and effective but the big question is what happens after?
In many ways this is the perfect time to do this diet because Mike is doing it too and then we can learn how to maintain and what our lifestyle needs to be. I also feel that in a way I have been maintaining and that I think I can do it afterwards. But that is no guarantee.
Mike has made a huge commitment to help me with this diet. He has volunteered to make the food so that I can worry about what the girls are eating. He is going to make it possible for me to weigh in 3 times a week.
And he is going to help more around the house. And by rights he should, I am not sure if I mentioned it but the issues Mike and I have been having all stemmed from a little comment that he let slip a while back, he wished that I was skinnier. I was devastated and I have had a hard time coming back from it. In a way I am doing this diet for myself and for our marriage. I hate Mike when I feel fat and that is not good for our relationship. We have done a lot of talking and I know he completely commited and loves me very much but that comment has been so hard to live with especially because I feel the same way. It has become a viscious circle and I want to stop it because most of the time I do love him and want to be with him forever. But when I am down about my body I start thinking of ultimatums like,"Maybe I should just leave him since he doesn't love me now." That is not good for my children or our relationship.
I am anticipating that I will be done this diet in 12-16 weeks. I am just basing that on how Mike has done, he has lost an aver age of 20 lbs a month and the diet actually guarantees 10-16lbs a month. This diet will be challenging but I am going to just take it week to week.
So what does that mean for nursing Zoe? Basically I can't. But my milk has decreased a ton since I stopped taking the medication a couple weeks ago and that she can still nurse but maybe there won't be any milk but she will get the comfort. Mainly I am not going to do any drastic weaning but the milk will be gone. I figured that this is a good time, I feel bad that I nursed Ally until 2.5years but I did get pregnant when she was 11 months old and was prepared for her to wean with the pregnancy. Also I really did not like the last couple months of nursing her so in a way I am preventing the negative feelings. I feel guilty that I am making this selfish decision but I decided that I am tired of being depressed and down about my body and in the long run I think that will be worse for the girls.
And we have put having another child on hold too. We have decided to wait another year. We know that it is not good to stress my body so much. I am really happy with that. I have always felt pressure from Mike to have kids on his time line and he had started talking about being done earlier too. Waiting a year was his idea and I think that is good in many ways. Gives my body time. And give our family time to fully adjust to two. We are on the edge of the girls establishing their relationship and it may mean a lot of fighting. And having two toddlers and all the tantrums might be enough for now.
In many ways this is the perfect time to do this diet because Mike is doing it too and then we can learn how to maintain and what our lifestyle needs to be. I also feel that in a way I have been maintaining and that I think I can do it afterwards. But that is no guarantee.
Mike has made a huge commitment to help me with this diet. He has volunteered to make the food so that I can worry about what the girls are eating. He is going to make it possible for me to weigh in 3 times a week.
And he is going to help more around the house. And by rights he should, I am not sure if I mentioned it but the issues Mike and I have been having all stemmed from a little comment that he let slip a while back, he wished that I was skinnier. I was devastated and I have had a hard time coming back from it. In a way I am doing this diet for myself and for our marriage. I hate Mike when I feel fat and that is not good for our relationship. We have done a lot of talking and I know he completely commited and loves me very much but that comment has been so hard to live with especially because I feel the same way. It has become a viscious circle and I want to stop it because most of the time I do love him and want to be with him forever. But when I am down about my body I start thinking of ultimatums like,"Maybe I should just leave him since he doesn't love me now." That is not good for my children or our relationship.
I am anticipating that I will be done this diet in 12-16 weeks. I am just basing that on how Mike has done, he has lost an aver age of 20 lbs a month and the diet actually guarantees 10-16lbs a month. This diet will be challenging but I am going to just take it week to week.
So what does that mean for nursing Zoe? Basically I can't. But my milk has decreased a ton since I stopped taking the medication a couple weeks ago and that she can still nurse but maybe there won't be any milk but she will get the comfort. Mainly I am not going to do any drastic weaning but the milk will be gone. I figured that this is a good time, I feel bad that I nursed Ally until 2.5years but I did get pregnant when she was 11 months old and was prepared for her to wean with the pregnancy. Also I really did not like the last couple months of nursing her so in a way I am preventing the negative feelings. I feel guilty that I am making this selfish decision but I decided that I am tired of being depressed and down about my body and in the long run I think that will be worse for the girls.
And we have put having another child on hold too. We have decided to wait another year. We know that it is not good to stress my body so much. I am really happy with that. I have always felt pressure from Mike to have kids on his time line and he had started talking about being done earlier too. Waiting a year was his idea and I think that is good in many ways. Gives my body time. And give our family time to fully adjust to two. We are on the edge of the girls establishing their relationship and it may mean a lot of fighting. And having two toddlers and all the tantrums might be enough for now.
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