Do you like being a SAHM?

I was asked today if I liked being a stay at home mom.  I immediately said, "Most days..."  but I continued to think about my choices and situation all afternoon.  I have decided that a more accurate answer would be," I love being a stay at home mom but I hate being a house wife."  I don't like cleaning and I only want to cook for fun.  Wouldn't it be awesome if that could become my reality?  Mike is trying to figure out how to get me a cleaner, which is wonderful but I do know we are tight and it probably won't happen and that is okay.

I know it will be easier in some ways when the baby has come.  I find the last trimester to be soooo exhausting and I am lucky, I don't have much pain, discomfort or other major pregnancy woes.  I remember when I was pregnant with Zoe asking my friend who had given birth to twins how in the world was she managing three kids when I could barely function with one.  She told me that the energy level does come up after birth and in my experience so far she is right.  I am really looking forward to it!  I do hope I am blessed with an easy baby again so that I can spend time with the girls.

Ally will be going to preschool two mornings a week and both girls will be going into a gymnastics class.  I think this will really be helpful to keep them active and relieve some of the guilt that I may have when I don't want to leave the house.  With Ally's sleep being so unpredictable and a major challenge, I have been working hard at doing something active at least once a day if not more.  I have fallen in love with swimming because the girls love it, it tires them out and it is easy for me with the lack of gravity.  I hope we can get back to swimming as soon as possible after the baby comes.

I had my 34 week appointment yesterday and everything is going really well.  Baby was heads down and I hope s/he stays that way!  My blood pressure was low 102/58 but my midwife wasn't concerned so I am not either. And my weight is only up 2lbs since last appt, I am at 218 lbs!!  I am really enjoying not having any worries right now.  The pregnancy started with so much anxiety it is nice to just enjoy growing a child.

31 Week Appointment

I had my 31 week appointment yesterday.  Everything is going really well.  The baby was transverse and posterior.  My midwives aren't worried and surprisingly I am not either.  I know it is still early and I know that my uterus is nice and roomy after housing 2 prior full-term babes.  I am also less concerned because I found out that there are two doctors in Calgary that will deliver breech babies, so I have many, many options between now and then.  I am just relieved that it doesn't mean an automatic c-section.

My weight has sky-rocketed in the last 3 weeks since my last appointment.  I haven't been eating as well and I haven't done any formal exercise.  But again I am not worried.  It has been on my mind and I am going to get back at it.  And at this point, I am tired and Ally is still not sleeping well, so it is an accomplishment to make it through the day, sometimes.

I am enjoying not being stressed or worried.  I am sure it will hit soon because the baby will be coming soon but since this is #3 there isn't that much to do.  I need to get a hotel booked or at least picked out and my bags packed but I am not doing that until 37-38 wks.

I am trying to keep the mind set that this baby will be late.  Ally was born at 39 weeks so I expected Zoe earlier than that, so I had my bags packed, Ally's packed, care set up for her and a back up plan set up all before 36 weeks.  I basically drove myself nuts because I had nothing to do and was just waiting.  I liked with Ally that I was pleasantly surprised when she came.  I hope I can achieve that this time around too.

Own Worst Enemy

Seriously, I really am my worst enemy.  Like I don't have enough to worry about that I need to worry about becoming anorexic or something.  Good grief!  I am hungry and when given the chance for some chips or a cinnamon bun, I haven't said no.  I guess I got worried because I was enjoying the sense of control that counting my calories has given me but also hating the fact the scale has to go up.  When I wrote the post I was 210 but I knew that I would probably have to report 211 to my midwife.  I hated that the number went up and it was stressing me out.  I have come to terms with it and I realized that if I keep going at this rate there is a good chance I will weigh 10 lbs less at the end of this pregnancy.  Which is amazing.

I have also been beating myself up for the frustration and lack of control that I have with Ally's sleep problems.  This has been probably the hardest two weeks of my parenting career.  Now I may have said this before and will probably say it again but damn it has been hard.  She has fought sleep for hours and then is still waking up in the middle of the night.  I am exhausted and I have help at night!  I feel guilty that I can't figure out what the problem is and I feel guilty that I lose my temper.  I always feel guilty and the last couple weeks have made me feel like I am failing at parenting.  Being pregnant with the third is not a good time to feel like a failure.

Thanks Taryl for the comment on my last post.  I completely agree with you and I really appreciate your wisdom and guidance and the chance to share our journeys together.  I look forward to losing weight with you too!

Am I becoming too obsessive?

I have really gotten into tracking my calories with LoseIt!  I do my best to put everything in and stay under the reccomend calorie amount.  Right now the app reccomends that I have about 1800 calories.  When I choose good nutritional foods this is not a problem and I am not hungry.  I am working hard on recognizing when I am hungry and when I am 'bored'.  I just need to keep in mind that I am growing a child here.  I am a worrier and I worry that I am taking things too far.  I feel that weight management can be a slippery slope.

July is off to a Great Start

Exercising and diet are going pretty well for the most part.  I am happy with my activity level and how I am eating.  Again for the most part.  A few things are keeping me from a perfect score but that is life.

We went camping with the girls for the first time over the long weekend and it went really well.  We had a blast and once we figured out how to get the girls to sleep, there were no problems.  I can't wait to go again at the end of the month.  Eating, well during camping for some reason didn't go so well...I will blame the smores :)

The other challenges that I am having are the heat and Ally's sleep.  The heat isn't so bad but it does wear me out.  Now Ally's sleep is a huge battle and it is just getting worse.  I don't know what to do.  Last night was extremely horrible.  Mike and I need to make an action plan and I want it to be a positive plan.  I feel like the lack of sleep and frustration is making the battle extremely negative and I don't want that in my relationship with her.  I also am intrigued with diet and maybe we need to cut out sugar or I have heard red dye is really hard on kids.

My weight is doing pretty good and I am hoping to only have a 1-2 lb gain for the month when I see my midwife next week.  At this point I am sitting at 2 lbs but I am hoping some more of the junk food I ate last weekend will wear off.  I am about 210lbs, so that is pretty awesome in my opinion!

I also went for my gestational diabetes test on Wednesday and I hope the midwives will have the results.  I am pretty confident that everything is fine but I like to have the results.

Day 3

So this is my 3rd day of exercise and it is going well!  My body is responding well to the exercise.  I was a bit worried because I haven't done anything since maybe 6-8 weeks along.  I almost feel like I could do more.  I always feel like the wii isn't the best work out but my muscles are sore so I am feeling it.  I also keep reminding myself that the 20 minute work out is miles better than what I was doing before and if I continue I will be fitter and healthier.  I need to learn how to pace myself because I could easily burn out.  I am also doing well with getting another 20 or so minutes of walking in.  Not everyday but it is happening.

My only worry is that I have cut out my naps to exercise and to clean/cook.  This makes me worry because I don't know how long I will be able to continue at this pace.  I hope I can but I am so close to the 3rd trimester and who knows what will happen then.

I am so happy to say that I am feeling good and I think that the exercise is really helping my mood.  I have been very emotional the last couple weeks.  There are so many factors as to why like the weather, which has been so rainy and blah.  Thankfully the sun is shining and I got a great dose of vitamin D today.

Crack down

I know, I know I have written this post or something similar 3 times now but this time I am going to do it.  I am going to crack down on the exercise.  I actually did 25 minutes already!

I had my 24 week midwife appt on Tuesday.  Everything is great, blood pressure was 110/60 and my fundal height was 26cm which I thought was funny because I have been feeling small.  My midwife thinks my weight gain has been amazing.  I am pretty happy with it but I know it is really due to luck than actual work.  In my mind I started this pregnancy at 205 but according to my 12 week appt I started at 199.  And this week's weight was 208 so that is a 9lb gain.  I am really trying to only gain 15, not that I will be upset with more.  With the last two pregnancies I have gotten up to 225-230lbs so I know I can get back to 200lb.  I just want to do better this time especially since I seem to be unable to lose weight while nursing and as much as I hate the number on the scale I am pretty comfy for now at 200lbs. 

So I am going to really focus on exercising and I know the food will come from there.  My goal is to do a minimun of 20 minutes a day and hopefully work up to an hour.  I set up at custom workout on the wii to focus on toning and specifically squats.  Check this post out here for why I am focusing on squats which I will get into later.  I like the wii because I can do it while the girls play and it is cute to see them join me.  Zoe is really good at squats.  Then I want to do 20 minutes on the treadmill or out walking.

I hope I can stick to my plan but I am going to bribe myself because it is a great motivator for myself.  I have just joined an online book club and my bribe for this week is I can not buy the book until I have completed 7 days of exercise.  Wish me luck!