Sad

I realized last night during Glee that I would have been 39 weeks this week.  It breaks my heart that my little baby will never meet her sisters.  I will never hold, kiss, nurse her.  But I can love her and I will think of her always.  My little June bug.

Going

So I am getting into a groove with the cleaning and what not.  I am starting to like it a bit.  I do still get pretty cranky but it is nice that things are slowly getting done and it is not that stressful.  I have noticed one major side effect.  This is a bit TMI but oh well.  My libido has died.  I feel bad for Mike but I have no interest AT  ALL.  This is strange for me because when I am pregnant I am blessed with a very high libido and normally I am above average.  It is sad but at least  I have something to show for it.  I don't even miss it.

Weight wise...I have started to gain...darn!  Mike and I went out for dinner and a movie on Friday and I enjoyed myself.  I am up about 2-3 lbs from eating bad this weekend.  I hope that it is just water retention or something like that but I haven't been eating well so I have been expecting it.  Mike is back on his diet so we are buying more vegetables and he is cooking more which helps me tremendously.  I also need to start exercising again.  I haven't done well as usual...my hope is to get my exercise room cleaned up again and get back on the treadmill.

I am getting my hair dyed this afternoon.  I am really excited and I hope there is time to get something really cool done.  I have noticed that dark colors are in so I am thinking about that but Mike wants me to go blond.  Which I really don't think would look good on me and I can't imagine the maintenance.

Pay Off

Okay, after my downer post yesterday, things are much better.  Thanks for the kind words, Taryl!  I had an amazing day and all this cleaning and scheduling paid off.  A good friend called asked if we would like an impromptu visit, which of course we did!  I never say no to someone who wants to drive an hour to come visit.  The best part is that I didn't have to go and do a mad clean after I set the phone down.  Yeah!  I just had to finish my chores.  I am just so pleased!

The girls and I had a nice busy morning too.  The weather is still cloudy and rainy but I decided to go for a walk anyways.  Most days I don't have a vehicle because both cars are being used for the business.  In Didsbury it really isn't a problem because we can walk everywhere but sometimes I let the weather keep us indoors too much.  We went and got our hair cut, to the post office, out for lunch and then home for naps.  I am proud to say that my girls were perfect even at the hairdressers!  I was thrilled, especially with Zoe because she will usually freak out when she can't touch me but she sat on a chair drank her juice and took her socks and shoes off.  No freak out at all!  The best part is that I was able to get a cute cut too.

Now I am sitting here blogging with a clean house.  Now if my daughter would just go to sleep life would be perfect.

60%

So I did so-so at being productive.  I got most of the big chores done and kept up on the house until about Thursday.  I just was exhausted I could barely move and I was feeling like I was getting sick.  So we had a TV day.  Friday was busy but no cleaning.  I don't know if I am a total convert.  I don't like all the cleaning that needs to be done.  I do like that my house was cleaner and I did more with my kids but I just found having to work into the evening was just plain exhausting.

But I am not giving up yet. I am going to get back at it and keep getting trying.  Hopefully I will enjoy it and not be so cranky.  I think it may have been an off week.  It has also been hard because the weather has sucked and Mike has been out in the evenings.

Wish me luck and I hope my mood gets better, I feel like I have been cranky all week. 

Cracking the Whip

Life has finally calmed down and I think spring might be here.  Last week we had two nice days and we spent a lot of time outside and it was fabulous.  I can't wait for it to get nice again.  My goal for the summer is to spend most of the time outside.

Things are calmer but I still feel like I have too much to do but I am not really doing any of it.  I am not a cleaner infact I really hate it but I love a clean house.  When my house is messy it feels like a weight is on my and the worse it gets the crankier I get and I feel like I am suffocating.

In my last post I talked about how a fellow blogger started a schedule and how it made everything so much easier for her and her family.  I was and am inspired.  I know that if I was more efficient with cleaning that it wouldn't weigh me down so much and that I could actually do the things I want to do.  I would rather be doing crafts with Ally and playing with the girls. 

So after a talk with Mike I am going to set up a schedule and stick to it.  I am a big fan of rewards so I am going to bribe myself along the way.  I did the bribes with my marathon and it really  helped me to look at the steps of the goal and not get overwhelmed by the shear size of it.

This is what I want to achieve this week:
1. Keep my house clean - we are going to do a big clean tomorrow and I want to maintain it because I will be away next weekend but my brother-in-law will be coming and having guests when my house is messy stresses me out.  So my goal is to have the house clean so on Friday I am not doing a mad clean.

2. Exercise - I want to start going for walks again and I would like to do this once this week.  This may seem small but it is a 4 day week.  Eventually I would like to be going 3 or more times a week, bike riding twice and maybe even getting back on the WII.

3. I want to cut down my computer time.  'Nuff said but I am going to try and blog my progress.

4. I want to get my sewing room set up again so that I can start sewing again in the evenings.

So, wish me luck because I am naturally a lazy person but I need to get a good system going before #3 comes because things will get more difficult.

Surprise!

I had my 20 week ultrasound yesterday and Mike and I were very excited to find out the sex of the baby.  Unfortunately babe had other plans.  I was a bit disappointed but now I am excited again.  This pregnancy has gone by quite quickly and I am so glad that I can now say I am enjoying it.  The baby has finally started to move which caused me great angst.  I am feeling great and have had no hip issues like Zoe's pregnancy.  I am in a great place!

I am also happy to say that I haven't gained weight yet.  Woohoo!  I have a slight hope that I will not gain anything this pregnancy.  I am at the point where I will start gaining if I don't eat right or drink enough water.  I find that I am typically up over the weekend and then down by midweek.  Mike is going back to his diet's roots which is high protein and low/no carbs and I have asked him to help me to eat better.  I just don't love protein right now and I don't like it or think of making it when I am hungry.  Now exercise is another story, it has been a really busy month and I just haven't gotten into a good routine.  I do need to tone up and work on my cardio.

A blogger friend of mine who is also pregnant has inspired me to get a good schedule going and she has raved how it has benefitted her and her kids.  I have slowly started working on a schedule.  My goal is to stop lazing around in my pj's all day, I don't really laze around but I just don't have the same motivation if I don't get dressed in the morning.  This has been quite successful this week for us.  Next week once the craziness of hosting an anniversary party for 50 guests is over I will work on getting outside more and doing more exercise.  I bought the bike attachment for my chariot and I want to get that set up and start using it.

Well, I am off to bake several dozen cookies and a couple cakes today.  I am not stressed by cooking for 50 people but it is only Wednesday and the party is Saturday.  Wish me luck!

I am not crazy!

I am so sick of people commenting on my child spacing.  Everyone thinks I am crazy and I hate it.  I hate that people can criticize my choice of spacing and my choice of being a stay at home mom, but I can't return the criticism.  I hate the mommy wars and I stay out of it because I have learned that it really doesn't matter.  I just count my blessings that things are working for us.  But just because I have chosen to have 3 and maybe another doesn't mean that you can insult me. 

I am a little sensitive because I am actually scared of what having 3 under 3 will be like.  I am not sure if this is the spacing I really wanted but it is what I have and I am dealing with it and I will come to love it.  I am confident in my ability to adapt and be the best mom that I can be.  But I am scared and honestly I am more scared of how my marriage will fair then how I will raise 3 kids.

But I do hate how just because you have decided that one, two or none is the perfect number for you doesn't mean that it is for me.  I think that the people who make the comments don't realize how hurtful it is and maybe they are trying to complement me because they think I am amazing.  It is probably that I am senstive but still, if I turned the tables and said, " I think you are crazy for just having one because your kid is going to be spoilt."  People would be angry with me.

Then there is the whole stay at home mom thing.  I am lucky that I can stay home with my kids.  I enjoy it but it is harder than most people think and some days I don't enjoy it at all.  I am not anymore special then a mom who works.  I personally can't imagine working all day, then having to come home; clean, cook, and spend quality time with your kids.  The thought exhausts me.  I don't like cleaning and will put it off as long as possible.

Well that is my rant for today.