Surprise!

I had my 20 week ultrasound yesterday and Mike and I were very excited to find out the sex of the baby.  Unfortunately babe had other plans.  I was a bit disappointed but now I am excited again.  This pregnancy has gone by quite quickly and I am so glad that I can now say I am enjoying it.  The baby has finally started to move which caused me great angst.  I am feeling great and have had no hip issues like Zoe's pregnancy.  I am in a great place!

I am also happy to say that I haven't gained weight yet.  Woohoo!  I have a slight hope that I will not gain anything this pregnancy.  I am at the point where I will start gaining if I don't eat right or drink enough water.  I find that I am typically up over the weekend and then down by midweek.  Mike is going back to his diet's roots which is high protein and low/no carbs and I have asked him to help me to eat better.  I just don't love protein right now and I don't like it or think of making it when I am hungry.  Now exercise is another story, it has been a really busy month and I just haven't gotten into a good routine.  I do need to tone up and work on my cardio.

A blogger friend of mine who is also pregnant has inspired me to get a good schedule going and she has raved how it has benefitted her and her kids.  I have slowly started working on a schedule.  My goal is to stop lazing around in my pj's all day, I don't really laze around but I just don't have the same motivation if I don't get dressed in the morning.  This has been quite successful this week for us.  Next week once the craziness of hosting an anniversary party for 50 guests is over I will work on getting outside more and doing more exercise.  I bought the bike attachment for my chariot and I want to get that set up and start using it.

Well, I am off to bake several dozen cookies and a couple cakes today.  I am not stressed by cooking for 50 people but it is only Wednesday and the party is Saturday.  Wish me luck!

I am not crazy!

I am so sick of people commenting on my child spacing.  Everyone thinks I am crazy and I hate it.  I hate that people can criticize my choice of spacing and my choice of being a stay at home mom, but I can't return the criticism.  I hate the mommy wars and I stay out of it because I have learned that it really doesn't matter.  I just count my blessings that things are working for us.  But just because I have chosen to have 3 and maybe another doesn't mean that you can insult me. 

I am a little sensitive because I am actually scared of what having 3 under 3 will be like.  I am not sure if this is the spacing I really wanted but it is what I have and I am dealing with it and I will come to love it.  I am confident in my ability to adapt and be the best mom that I can be.  But I am scared and honestly I am more scared of how my marriage will fair then how I will raise 3 kids.

But I do hate how just because you have decided that one, two or none is the perfect number for you doesn't mean that it is for me.  I think that the people who make the comments don't realize how hurtful it is and maybe they are trying to complement me because they think I am amazing.  It is probably that I am senstive but still, if I turned the tables and said, " I think you are crazy for just having one because your kid is going to be spoilt."  People would be angry with me.

Then there is the whole stay at home mom thing.  I am lucky that I can stay home with my kids.  I enjoy it but it is harder than most people think and some days I don't enjoy it at all.  I am not anymore special then a mom who works.  I personally can't imagine working all day, then having to come home; clean, cook, and spend quality time with your kids.  The thought exhausts me.  I don't like cleaning and will put it off as long as possible.

Well that is my rant for today.

Ready to get back at it

I think...I hope...well knock on wood that I am feeling better.  We just got back from a whirlwind weekend at a conference at West Edmonton Mall.  I was worried how we (especially me) would do with the lack of sleep and I am so glad to say that it went really well!  I also only gained a pound, which is awesome when you are eating every meal out and not even good food because with two kids fast food is just easier on everyone.

My plan is to get back on the wii and do a 30-60min walk every day.  I hate saying that I work out on the wii but it is a decent work out and I get some strength training in.  I am going to try and get outside and walk but a walk on the treadmill is just as good.  I hope to be able to do it every day or at least 5 days a week.  Even though I am a stay at home mom, weekends are completely different.

Now the hard part is to get back into cooking.  I still have no desire to eat and I have no groceries.  The grocery store in town has a delivery service that I am contemplating using but....it seems kind of lazy and maybe I should just wait until tomorrow. 

Today is Ally's birthday!!  My baby is 3!  Time flies...it really does.

First Midwife Appointment

I had my first appointment today and it was with my favorite midwife Nadine.  I love her!  She is so nice and kind of on the hippy side.  She works part time and so far hasn't been at any of my births but I really hope she will be at my next one.

We talked about where I am going to birth because I am in Didsbury  now I can't have a home birth which really saddens me.  I loved my birth with Zoe it was just perfect.  We talked about the birth center or birthing in a hotel.  Sounds fun, eh?  I love the hotel idea just because then I get the benefit of giving birth and walking to my bed and staying there.  That is my favorite part of a homebirth.  But I also really enjoyed  making noise last time (weird, I know) so I think that would be weird in a hotel.   And I also like a bit of a party at my births.  I want Ally to be there for sure, my mom, sister, sister -in-law, a friend or two and of course Mike.  So I think the birth center will be it even though the downside is that I have to leave 3 hrs after the birth.  Ugh!

So the appointment was pretty standard.  I have a bunch of lab tests to do and will need to book my 20 week ultrasound.  The disappointing thing is that Nadine couldn't find the heart beat.  I have been very nervous about the heartbeat since Saturday when my nausea decreased a ton.  But it is very early I am only 10 weeks 4 days.  I want to rent a doppler but I know that will just feed my insanity and stress more.  I know that if I keep trying and can't find it then I will be a basket case.  I am reminding myself that it is early and that there is really nothing I can do either way.

Priorities

I have been doing a lot of thinking about my priorities as a mom lately maybe it is because I have barely done any house work and laid on the couch for most of the day.  I hate cleaning and I really would like it to go away and my house be perfect.  I have a friend who's house is perfect all the time.  I don't get it and the thought of doing the same makes me want to curl up in my bed for 2 days straight.  Seriously her house is like a magazine and she has two kids.  I really don't understand how she does it and why?  I was there yesterday and all the beds were made, no toy out of place, no dish left out or stray sock laying around.  We walked into her toy room and everything was in its place and all the toys and furniture all coordinate. 

At times it makes me envious.  I would like my house to look like that but I know that it would drive me crazy, seriously I don't think I could handle the pressure.  I also don't think it is fair on my kids because the pressure would cause me to not let them play or touch anything and I would probably yell all the time.  I am beginning to come to terms with my messiness and try to revel in it.

I am now feeling better so hopefully I will start to do more around the house but what I really feel guilty about is not the mess but the lack of things I have done with Ally and Zoe.  We have barely done any crafts, baked or gone out.  I want to get back to that.  It is getting better each day.  Thank goodness!

Haha...feeling alive?

I laughed when I saw the tittle of the last post because I haven't felt alive in many weeks...I feel like death warmed over at my worst.  That is why I haven't been able to blog.  I barely have energy to get off the couch.  My poor girls...they are so good to me!  But I am almost 10 weeks so the end is near...I hope...if it isn't then I will go on some drugs for nausea because who wants to live this way?

I miss exercising and eating healthy but I just can't right now.  I am all about mall food and I love Koryo and Thai Express.  Actually I am all about food that is not made by me or in my house.  But despite this I have lost weight about 5 lbs so far.

I will get back to the blogging world as soon as I can.

Feeling Alive

The last couple weeks have been a gong show!  It started out on I guess the first of February, when I got my ultrasound results from the week before.  The ultrasound report said that there was no definitive signs of pregnancy.  I was quite upset and I called my midwife who said that there was a good chance I was pregnant.  She sent me for blood work to test the Hcg levels, basically if you are pregnant it will typically double.  Meanwhile, the morning sickness started, the hunger and exhaustion, it sucks feeling like crap when there may not be a good reason.  By Friday, I got 2 sets of results back and my numbers had nearly doubled so I was feeling very hopeful.  Saturday, Mike and I went to see Avatar and unfortunately we were in the second row.  Now I don't typically do well sitting that close but I thought it would be okay because I had my glasses.  Well I made it 30 minutes and had to leave and threw up in the bathroom, tried to go back and watch the movie had to leave and didn't make it to the bathroom....and threw up in a garbage can in the middle of the mall....ugh!  So embarrassing.

Then this past week the morning sickness has been full blast and I went for another ultrasound on Tuesday and I do indeed have a baby!  My dates were a bit off and I got to see the heartbeat.  Even though I have been feeling like death warmed over, I am really happy that there is a little baby growing and making it all worthwhile.

With feeling nauseaous, food has not been my friend, I hate it and I hate having to think about what to make.  I have barely cooked this week.  But I have lost two pounds.  Which is awesome, I am not trying to lose weight I am trying to maintain my weight for the first and most of the second trimester.

Today has been the first day I have been feeling well.  I was motivated to do some cleaning.  It started with the highchair, which was disgusting and then once that was done I washed the floor and ran the dishwasher.  I am very proud of myself because for most of the week I have barely been able to get off the couch.

I am doing my best to limit tv for the girls.  Ally could watch tv all day and I am trying to not take advantage of that in my sick state.  My goal is for 1 hr a day which is still alot but hey, we are in survival mode.  I can't wait until the summer when I can throw the girls outside and they can play all day.  I really hope that they will play well together for the most part.