Surprised

I just wanted to thank everyone who reads this blog.  I am constantly surprised that people read, comment and send wonderful messages.  I am a horrible writer and with two kids, I barely have time to proof read let alone spell check.  So thanks again for sharing this time in my life with me.

Ally has been sleeping so terribly lately.  I have been at my wit's end with her.  She will go to sleep and then wake up an hour later calling for me or start screaming.  The crying and screaming just stresses me out because I want her to sleep so I can have a break and I know she needs the sleep too.  I just don't know what to do with her.  Twice this week I have just taken her out of bed and let her play until she gets tired and the other times I move her downstairs to the playpen so she doesn't wake Zoe.  Last night was the final straw, when she was up until 2:30 am playing.  While she was playing I read my sleep book and researched online.  I decided to do a sticker chart and reward her with candy when she sleeps well.  She hasn't been a big fan of stickers before but I figured it was something to do that she could see her progress.  I also needed a clear plan of what to do with her because Mike is gone for 4 days.  I do better if I have a plan and strategy.  I am also going to be very strict about naps and wake up times too.

Tonight went ok, she called, "Mommy" repeatedly for 1.5hrs.  I, however did not get stressed or frustrated and I am proud to say that I waited her out.

I am also proud to say that I exercised and got the kitchen cleaned.  I am trying to enjoy my alone time while Mike is gone but also be productive.  I need to keep the house cleaned and do it in the evenings because I won't get much of a chance during the day.

Cheers to another good day, where I was a calm mommy, exercised and cleaned.....look out Super Mom!

Feeling Great

I love that I am making exercise a priority again.  I did so well with the marathon and then fell off.  I had such a hard time figuring out when to exercise with sleeping horribly and both girls demanding so much attention.  I think exercise is exactly what I needed with the endorphins and time to myself.  I wish I had done it sooner, it would have saved me from a lot of stress and anxiety.

I am so excited that I am starting to make bigger and better plans for exercise.  I want to slowly work my way up to an hour a day.  And I want to start running again.  And I want to get the Jenny McCartney game too.  And. And. And.  But I know that if I get too much ahead of myself I will get frustrated and just give up.  And justing doing exercise for 20 minutes a day is important.

Exhaustion and Motivation

Exhaustion and motivation do not go together.  Today is the first day since Sunday that I have exercised, Monday I put it off too long and then was tried and crabby.  Tuesday, we had a crappy  night and I babysat my friends kids all day.  I couldn't even eat well.  Today I realized that getting the exercise done in the morning really shapes may day well and then I can't procrastinate until I don't do it.  The routine I did today worked really well and I think it will help with fitting in exercise.  I exercised when Zoe had her morning nap.  Ally likes to exercise with me and doesn't interfere with me exercising much.  Starting the morning out with exercise also motivated me to do some laundry and dishes.  I am now sitting while the girls nap with a cup of tea and relaxing.  It is nice to enjoy some quiet time with out the pressure of having to do something.

Yesterday was a hard day because I was so tired and had 4 kids here but I did have a bit of a break through.  When I am tired I do tend to get annoyed at Mike and sometimes it progresses into anger.  Typically I realize what I am doing and I can talk myself out of actually saying anything to Mike or being angrry.  In the past couple of months days like yesterday would downward spiral into a fight with Mike or feelings of my world falling apart or last for days on end.  Now I am back to where I was before and can control my mood better.

I did it!

I finally exercised!  And I loved it!  A couple months ago I bought EA Active for the Wii and only set up  my profile.  So today I thought it would be a fun thing to start my exercise with and I was right.  There is a 30 day challenge and you win awards and set goals.   I think it will help motivate me and give me a good work out.  I am also going to do my playground boot camp twice a week and that will be fun.  I love how good you feel after exercise and I hope that I can start to crave this feeling and motivating myself won't be so hard.  I am really glad Mike is doing this with me it makes it more fun.

Counselling Follow-Up

I really enjoyed my session yesterday and it was helpful.  She did help give me some perspective and helped me realize that things are tough right now and that the miscarriage may have brought things to a head.  She thinks that I haven't really grieved the loss and that is true really it has only just recently been resolved.  She thinks that I do have some body issues and that I am doing okay with working on them.  She wants me to feel my emotions and not let them build up to where I am just angry and having a bad day.

I am not sure if I will go back or not at this point, I will see how I feel over the next while.  I think it might be nice for Mike and I to go.  I don't know....I also feel like Mike and I have been doing alot of talking lately and to tell the truth I am sick of it.  I want things to go back to normal.  So at the moment that is my goal.

I am going to try and take time for myself and I think that will help many aspects of my life because if my needs are met then I can meet everyone else's.

A Plan

I knew inspiration would hit eventually.  Mike and I came up with a plan to get us both  moving and eating right.  Mike is doing amazing at his diet and has lost 70lbs since September so he doesn't need much help but he has been cheating (a lot in my opinion) and he needs to start exercising.  I need to do better with food and exercise as well.  So we decided that we should earn our 'fun' money.  We are strict budgetters and each week we allocate a bit of money for each of us to spend on what ever we want.  So now we have to earn our money.  We decided that we would get $5 a day for eating on plan (Mike following Dr. Bernstein and I will be following the plan detailed below) and then $5 for doing 20 mins of exercise.

Below is my food plan.  I invented my own based of The Canada Food Guide, Body For Life, Dr. Bernstein and my own beliefs on a healthy lifestyle.  I am going to do my best not to focus on the results but focus on what I can control and that is my lifestyle.

Melynda’s Eating Plan

6 servings of whole grain and health carbs: A portion is half a slice of bread or 50g

Unlimited vegetables

3 servings of fruit

4 servings of protein

2 portions of diary: ie: ½ cup yogurt, 1 cup milk or 2 slices of cheese

1 treat – max 200 calories

2L minimum of water

Ø  All portions are Dr. B sizes

Ø  Aim for 6 small meals a day

Welcome to 2010!

Can you believe that it was only 10 years ago that Y2K came?  I was in grade 11, jamming to the Philosopher Kings and Will Smith's Will 2K.  I actually still have that cd and I had a strong urge to put it on yesterday.  We had a party and had some friends over.  I went all out on the food and it was a really nice night.

I have been thinking about resolutions and I can't think of anything I want right now.  I am pretty sure one will come but I just don't have any ideas at the moment.  I have my first counselling session tomorrow so I am sure I will get some ideas.

I have been scanning the internet for some good weight loss programs and I came across Bill Phillip's new program at Transformation.com and I am going to check it out.  I have done Body for Life 2 years ago and it was fairly successful.   So I reccomend anyone going over and checking it out.  I am not gung-ho about it just because I am not in the mood but I like how it addresses the emotional and lifestyle side of weight loss.

I think I really need to exercise and I think that will help, maybe not actual pounds lost but mood too.  I don't know why I am so reluctant to do it and why I have a hard time making time for it.  Maybe that will be my resolution; excercise!